Cannonball
by jackso88
Summary: AU Naomi and Emily met during one eventful summer when they were sixteen and haven't seen or heard from each other for three years. Now Emily is returning to go to University in the same city where they met.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

There are some things you never forget in life. They sink inside of you, settle into the marrow of your bones, the deep and steady rhythm of your heart. The way your mother's hands feel as they stroke across your temple, checking for fever in a gesture that both comforts and annoys you. The smell of sunscreen and sunshine on hot skin. The way your hands sweat and your heart beats louder than anything during your very first kiss.

I will never forget that summer. Everyone has that summer at some point, the one that changes everything. Cook won't ever forget it either. He doesn't say so, he doesn't have to, because I can feel it in the way he chuckles at some memories, the way he never mentions others. I can still remember the taste of the first cooler I drank, and the first time I was sick from drinking, that same night. I can still feel her hands cool against my neck as she held back my hair and the low hum of her voice in my ear as she whispered comforting words against my skin.

I take a deep breath as I climb up on the tiny wooden stage at the front of the restaurant. It's packed, like most Open Mic nights at Nancy O's are: people drinking and laughing, only half-listening to the musicians and half-bit comedians that climb up on-stage. At least I hope they only half-listen, as Cook adjusts my microphone for me with a crooked grin.

"Hey everybody!" His voice booms out, catching the attention of the crowd. They look up with approving smiles. Cook has that effect on people. "Listen up! I'm Cook, this is JJ on the Uke, Freds on the bass and Naomi on the guitar. We are gonna give you the ride of your night!"

Freddie and I exchange a look, both grinning and rolling our eyes.

"Feel free to join in with us along the way. We are gonna start out slow and build it up from there." There are a few cheers and catcalls from the front tables as I take a deep breath and settle into the beginning riff. Cook and Freddie begin to build a rhythm that subtly accentuates my strums. I can tell it takes a lot of self-control for Cook to restrain himself from going wild on the bongo drum and it makes me smile as I sing out the first lyrics.

_Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth  
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt  
Still a little hard to say what's going on_

The words and the music take me back to those summer nights, the cool August air (because it's never really warm at night in northern British Columbia), the freedom of nights spent driving out to meet the milky way, music playing as loudly as we wanted it to.

_Still a little bit of your ghost, your witness  
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed  
You step a little closer each day  
That I can't say what's going on_

I never had the chance to do so many things with her. One kiss and she was gone and I was left here with a mindful of memories that still haven't left me. Three years and I can still feel her, feel the nights and the music and the person I was when she was there. No one ever forgets there first kiss, but most people move past it. Most people grow up and get a life.

Sometimes I think it's this place, this town, it just pulls me back in. Maybe it's the people. Maybe it's the memories that linger around every corner, along every pock-marked bit of pavement.

_Stones taught me to fly  
Love ‒ it taught me to lie  
Life ‒ it taught me to die  
So it's not hard to fall  
When you float like a cannonball_

Lying is such a complicated thing. You start out lying out of self-preservation or even to protect other people. But then eventually you start to believe your own lies. The lies start to seem more real than truth. I wonder sometimes if this is all just a story I've told myself to avoid commitment. It couldn't have been love, not really. It was just one summer when I was sixteen and everything was new and made me feel more alive than I ever had. That's not love, that's just growing up, finding out who you are. At least that's what I've told myself again and again. _  
_

_Still a little bit of your song in my ear  
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear  
You step a little closer to me  
So close that I can't see what's going on_

I stare hard at the microphone as emotion pours out of my voice, vibrating and cracking with the pain crushing against my ribs. This always happens. I sing and I'm right there, falling into the memories, the music, into her all over again.

_Stones taught me to fly  
Love ‒ it taught me to lie  
Life taught me to die  
So it's not hard to fall  
When you float like a cannon_

The stars were so bright against the blackness of the sky. There were so many of them and everything was so big that I couldn't speak, couldn't even attempt to express what I was feeling inside of me.

I didn't need to. She sat up suddenly and stared at me intently, huge brown eyes drilling into mine, asking questions that I couldn't even begin to answer. Slowly, oh so slowly, she leaned down, her lips inching towards mine until they pressed against my own. It was quick, but so soft and it burned into me more than any drunken dance floor make-out ever would.

She moved away but grabbed my hand. I could feel her heart racing in the wet warmth of her palm. "I'll miss you." She whispered, voice choking.

I grabbed onto her hand with both of mine as a single tear streaked down my cheek, falling into the wet grass beneath us.

__

Stones taught me to fly  
Love taught me to cry  
So come on, courage, teach me to be shy  
'Cause it's not hard to fall  
And I don't wanna scare her  
It's not hard to fall  
And I don't wanna lose  
It's not hard to grow  
When you know that you just don't know

Come on courage. I think, before Cook bursts into a rapid series of beats that signal the beginning of our next song and we carry on.


	2. Cooks First Day of School

I never thought I would see the day Cook would be going to University. I always pictured him as more of a trades kind of guy, hands on, welding or building or something along those lines. Since we finished high school, JJ, Effy, Pandora and I had all been attending university. Freddie had tried his hand at computer programming, but decided it wasn't for him and was now taking courses in mechanics at the college. He seemed to like that better. It was a lot easier to smoke weed and work on motors than it was to smoke weed and memorize codes.

Cook, on the other hand, had jumped from job to job. He had worked at gas stations and restaurants, bar-tending occasionally for his uncle and tree-planting in the summer time. Last fall he finished tree-planting and decided to work on the oil rigs in Alberta during the winter with a friend he had worked with during the summer. Everyone knew oil jobs in Alberta pumped out cash faster than an ATM.

"I'll save up, buy a camper and we'll travel the world, Naomio." He'd told me with that sly grin of his.

I just grinned back without believing a word he said. Cook was always talking. He talked so loud and so fast so you could never hear what he was trying not to say. But I knew Cook better than anyone. He came to live with us during my mom's foster parent stage. All the other kids she took in eventually left, pulled back into the system or returned to their families, but Cook stayed. After a few years and a few legal battles mom officially adopted him.

I still remember the day mom brought him home. He was just this scruffy little thing in worn-out shoes and a Canucks jersey five size too big for his scrawny frame. His dirty blonde hair hung like a mop over his eyes and he was constantly tugging it out of the way so he could see.

"Naomi, love, this is James. He's going to be staying with us for a while."

I frowned at that. "He's not staying in my room."

"Of course not, dear. That was just that one time."

I rolled my eyes. At seven, I had already perfected the Campbell eye roll.

"I wouldn't want to stay in a girl's room anyhow." He smirked. "It's probably covered in Barbies and stuff."

I glared at that. "I don't play with Barbies. They're stupid."

"I bet you do."

"I do not!"

"Prove it!" His blue eyes shone from underneath his bangs.

"Fine." I turned around without looking to see if he was following.

My room was not your typical girl's room. At seven I had a keyboard and a guitar given to me by one of mom's friends, an old hippy named Roy. Besides the instruments my red-walled room was covered in books and pictures of far-away places. Mom didn't agree with Barbies. She saw them as "patriarchal manipulations of sexuality indoctrinating girls with unhealthy body image from the very beginning". Even if I had been interested in them she wouldn't have allowed me to play with them.

"Cool!" Cook exclaimed upon seeing the bongo drum stashed in the corner of my room, underneath a stack of books, "Can I play with it?"

I smiled in spite of myself at the excitement on his face. "Sure James."

"Call me Cook." He replied, already digging the drum out from underneath my belongings.

I giggled, "Okay. Or I could call you chef instead. Get it chef?"

He rolled his eyes at that but smiled back.

"You know there was an explorer named James Cook. He was killed and cooked by Hawaiians."

"Cool!" Exclaimed Cook, as he began to beat out a rhythm on the bongo drums.

Cook and I were inseparable after that. We were like siblings but better because we were the same age and we just got each other in a way no one else did. I missed him a lot when he was working on the oil rigs that winter. There was no one to tear me away from my studies and force me to have fun. Even worse, we would talk on Skype and he just wasn't himself. There were bags under his eyes and his infectious smile was missing.

He came home after barely a month. When he showed up on the doorstep he just fell into my arms. We hugged for a long time and I swear I actually felt the tension in his body fade away. Afterwards we sat down at the table together while mom cooked up a vegan feast in the next room. For a while he was silent. I just let him be. He would talk when he was ready.

Finally he spoke, "It's fucking shit Naoms. They just rip up the land and make it totally unlivable for anything. All for fucking money. It's not worth it."

He looked at me and I could see the agony in his big blue eyes. This was a guy who drove half an hour for cell service one night when he was tree planting just to phone tell me he'd been half a foot from a black bear. Most people would be scared, but not Cook, he was just high as a kite from the danger and the beauty of it all.

Even when we were teenagers, Cook bought an old Chevy, and after him and Freddie fixed it up he would take off into the woods on weekends, all alone, and come back with the biggest grin on his face.

"It's just freedom Naomio. Nobody telling you what to do. Just being."

I gave him _Walden_ by Henry David Thoreau for his next birthday and he read it in a weekend.

"It's a fucking beautiful book, Naoms." He told me afterwards. I don't think he'd even read an entire novel before that. He was more of an _Archie_ and _Playboy _kind of guy.

Those thoughts flashed through my mind as he sat there at the kitchen table looking so broken by what he'd seen in the tar sands.

"So change it." I said.

He stared hard at me as if to see if I was joking.

"I can't do that."

"Of course you can, Cook. You can do anything. Go to school. Figure out how to make it better and then change it."

His blue eyes burned into mine for a long moment, before that cheek-splitting grin burst across his face.

I smiled just as widely back, relieved to see Cook back again.

Now here we were on his first day of school, climbing off the bus. Cook was so excited he was practically jumping up and down. He was registered for the environmental science program.

"I'm gonna learn about all the best ways to find magic mushrooms and shit, man!"

I chuckled. "Where's your first class again, Cook?"

"It says the library. There are classes in the library?"

I laughed quietly. "No, I wondered that too when I first started. All the classrooms near the library are labelled that. I'll take you there before my class."

I lead him into the university and down the stairs, past the Tim Hortons where Cook insisted on getting coffee and timbits. Effy was already in the lineup. She greeted us with an ironic half-smile.

"Do you have Public Policy later, Naoms?"

I rolled my eyes, "Afraid so, save me a seat will you?"

She shrugged. That meant yes is Effy-speak, so I smiled in thanks.

We made our way through the library, coffee in hand. As we walked around the corner, towards Cook's classroom I saw a familiar flash of red amongst the throngs of students. Something twisted in my gut. It should have warned me, but I don't think anything could have prepared me for the sight that met my eyes.

"Emily!" I gasped, mouth falling open.


	3. The First Movement

**I forgot to say I don't own skins, or any of the characters. I do own way too many instruments and a wonderful duvet :)**

**Oh and the song lyrics in the prologue aren't mine either. They are from Cannonball by Damien Rice which is a great song, if you haven't heard it check it out. I was just attempting to sing it and got to thinking how well it described Naomily and just had to write this.**

**I posted the first two chapter and then woke up with a super vulnerability hangover until I saw I had a review which made me feel much better, so thanks! **

**Anyhow I like switching POV and I want to challenge myself by trying to write the different characters perspectives so this will be from Emily's POV and the next will be from Effy's and we will see where it goes from there!**

My mom wasn't very keen on me going to school in Prince George. I didn't hear the end of it for months before I left Kelowna. But frankly, it had been a long time since I had listened to her about anything. She spoke, I pretended to take what she said into consideration and then I did exactly what I wanted to anyways. It was a system that worked quite well.

Katie was another matter. "Why would you want to go back to that place, Emily? It's full of rednecks and crazies. Don't you remember what happened to me?"

"Because if I have to speak to one more wanker in a polo shirt I will actually kill myself, Katie. Besides, _I_ had fun that summer."

After that she changed tactics. "But you can't go there without me, Emily." She had paused then, as if it pained her to say the next words. "I'll miss you Emsy. Don't leave me."

I rolled my eyes. "They have a great environmental science program and it's half the cost of living in Vancouver. What do you want me to do, Katie? You could always come with me."

That was how I ended up sharing an apartment with my twin. The positive side of sharing a place with Katie was that our parents chipped in half the rent and the down payment to get us started. The negative side was that Katie was an absolute slob. I surveyed the wet towels strewn across the bathroom floor and let out a heavy sigh. Sometimes I wondered if my sister would ever grow up.

I roughly shoved her mess into a pile in a corner of the bathroom and climbed into the shower, humming to myself as I turned on the tap, adjusting it slightly until I found the right temperature. As I lathered my hair my mind wandered to the real reason I had decided to move to a city that was basically nine hours away from anywhere. All the reasons I had repeated over and over again to Katie and my parents were true of course. But there was another reason, a reason that still wandered through my dreams on a nightly basis.

I wasn't sure how to explain, even to myself, why a girl I met three years ago was still on my mind. I had tried to date, to move on. I had even had a few girlfriends. But it had never felt right. Something was always missing. Maybe I was just a perfectionist and my head was making that summer seem like more than it was. But she was like an itch I couldn't scratch. I felt like the protagonist in a fucking Taylor Swift song but there was nothing I could do. I had to find out if it had been real.

Chances were she wasn't even in Prince George anymore. If I remembered right she was always talking about travelling, seeing the world. She would get this look in her eyes that took my breath away and for a moment I could see and feel what she was dreaming too. No matter how hard I had tried not to, I would listened to her talk about these faraway places and my head would fill with images of Naomi and I in some market in Thailand, sunburnt and laughing, as we bartered with some smiling Thai grandmother.

They were still so vivid, those stupid teenage dreams that my heart had imagined without my consent. I had finally worked up the nerve to kiss her that night and it was everything and more than my sixteen year old self could have hoped. She didn't run, she just clung to my hand and we laid under the stars in perfect, silent understanding.

But then the next day had happened. I felt myself cringe at the thought. Katie in the woods unconscious and alone all night. I still felt guilty thinking of it, but how could any of us have known? It still didn't add up. Why had Effy done that?

Katie had never really explained it. "She's a boyfriend-stealing cow, Ems. She's psychotic. She just attacked me alright? Leave it alone."

The idea of Effy attacking anyone was a bit ridiculous. She barely spoke, just flashed her gorgeous eyes at everyone and slouched around in the background watching everything that went on. But Katie was my sister and she had the scars to prove that it had happened, so I left it alone.

I wondered where Effy was now. I wondered if I would run into her, or Cook, or Freddie, or JJ or Panda. But most of all I wondered if I would run into Naomi and if I did who would she be now? Would she still have that peroxide blonde hair? Would she still bite her lip in that way that made heat coil in my stomach?

I suddenly realized that the water had gone cold as Katie's shrill voice broke through my imaginings.

"Emily! Could you hurry the fuck up bitch? I'm not going to be late on my first day!"

I rolled my eyes. We wouldn't be late if she hadn't taken forty minutes in the bathroom getting ready.

Ten minutes later we were out the door and waiting at the bus stop. By the time we got on the bus it was already packed with students and we had to stand. Katie was not happy, but I reasoned that it only took five minutes to make it up the hill to the school. We could manage.

I tuned into the happy first day back chatter of all the students around me. Butterflies were fluttering rapidly around inside my stomach. I felt excited and scared at the same time.

"What is with that look on your face Emily?" Katie's voice snapped me out of my reverie again.

"Katie, seriously." I shot her a look that quickly shut her up.

"Emily? Katie?" Came a familiar quiet voice from a few seats away.

I whipped around. "JJ?"

JJ was sitting in a window seat with a computer on his lap and his neck craned to stare at us. His hair was shorter but still tightly curled. His face broke out into a wide, innocent smile as I turned around and I could see that he no longer had his trademark braces.

"What are you doing here? It's highly unlikely that you would be on the same bus as me unless..." I watched the gears in his head spin at lightning speed as he connected the dots. "Are you attending school here?"

"Yes JJ." I smiled. "I transferred from business into environmental science and Katie decided to come with me and finish her marketing degree at UNBC."

"That's an interesting coincidence. Cook is also beginning his studies in Environmental Science today. Statistically the chances of that happening are..."

"JJ did you just say that Cook is going to University?" Asked Katie with a smirk.

"Yes. He was shocked by the conditions in the tar sands. They are quite terrible. The practises used to extract oil are hugely unsustainable and played a major role in Canada's decision to back out of the Kyoto Protocol. Of course that wasn't the story the media presented. CBC is currently in the midst -"

"JJ! Locked on." I said firmly but gently and he smiled up at me again.

The bus pulled to a halt at the University entrance and students began to file out.

"Would you like me to guide you to your classrooms?" JJ offered as he hurriedly shoved his laptop into a side bag, a backpack bursting with books swung across his broad shoulders.

"Sure. That would be great!" I replied with a smile.

We made our way across the outside path to the other side of the campus while JJ explained what the different buildings and structures of the university were supposed to represent.

"That building is meant to be a canoe, while those that we just passed are supposed to represent icebergs. The architect tried to incorporate all of Canada in the design. He actually lived on site for ten years during the construction and design of the university."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Katie rolling her eyes.

JJ led us to our respective classrooms and waved goodbye as he headed to his. There were already swarms of students outside of mine, chattering and smiling awkwardly in that first day way.

I heard a familiar booming laugh and turned around with my heart beating faster than a hummingbird's wings inside my throat. That was Cook's laugh and where Cook went...

The sky blue eyes that had wandered across my dreams for three years stared straight into mine.

"Emily!" She gasped.

My face broke out into a smile that felt like it would split it in half.

"Naomi!"

We just stared at each other for the longest time. Neither of us seemed to be able to form words or sentences but a million questions passed from her eyes to mine as we stood in that hallway.

Our connection was broken by Cook's shout of "Emilio! What the fuck are you doing here? You in this class?"

Unwillingly, I broke away from our staring contest, turning to meet Cook's grinning face. "Yeah Cook, I ran into JJ on the bus and it turns out we're in the same program!"

"No fucking way! Small world eh? Well I know who my seating buddy's gonna be Emilio!" With that he scooped me up in his arms and gave me a great big bear hug. I let out a surprised laugh, still staring at Naomi over his shoulder. I wanted to catch her eye but she seemed to be avoiding mine.

She coughed a little. Oh god, she still bit her lip like that.

I took a deep breath as Cook set me down, trying to swallow the volcanic eruptions occurring inside of me at that small, familiar gesture.

Her eyes met mine once more, shy and half-lowered. "I have to go to class, now. But... lets catch up... Meet up at the Moose for lunch after class?"

I nodded, suddenly at a loss for words again.

She smiled quickly and then she was gone.


	4. The Buildup

**So this one's from Effy's POV. I think she's such a fascinating, layered character that I hope I've done her justice. **

**Still don't own skins :)**

Naomi walked into class paler than I think I've ever seen her. Except maybe that time at the house-sitting place out in the Hart... so maybe the palest I've ever seen her sober then. I smiled a little to myself at the thought.

She fell into the seat beside me and buried her head in her arms. I thought I heard a muffled "Jesus!" from beneath the pile of limbs but couldn't be sure. Before I could investigate further the Prof started into explaining about our semester-long project. Oh joy, interviewing the populace of Prince George to find out their opinions on current events issues. Last year they had to revise security procedures on this project when one of the students was almost attacked by a woman in her seventies.

What sounded like a groan emerged from Naomi. I smirked and subtly sent a quick text to her from my phone underneath the table.

My ringtone blared out and everyone turned to stare. She sat up straight and scrambled to find it in her purse, face bright red. At least it was no longer that awful white. "Sorry first day and all..." She sent a glare towards me as she found it and switched it to vibrate.

The Prof frowned before carrying on with his review of classroom policy. "Cell phones should be turned off when you are in class..."

_Effy: Where's the ghost?_

_ Naomi: In Cook's enviro class_

_ Effy: Go on..._

_ Naomi: Emily Fitch is here_

My eyebrows shot up as Naomi buried her face in her hands once more. Emily meant Katie and Katie meant... well, I wasn't entirely sure what Katie meant but...

"Interesting..." I murmured.

My mind flashed back to the girl in high heels and leopard print who followed me around the summer after my family moved to Prince George. Without my consent images of that fateful camping trip paraded behind my eyes. The way the giant trees swirled and moved, vibrant green ferns curling in on themselves endlessly. The sound of my own laughter distorted by the shrooms I could feel twisting inside my stomach. Freddie's kind smile and crinkling eyes, Panda's warm hand clasped in mine.

I had thought I loved him then. The thought of it had terrified me. The reality had been much more mundane. After the initial bout of endless fucking had finished we had finally realized we had nothing to say to each other. Freddie was and never would be any closer to understanding what went on inside of me than this table is right now.

I had thought it had been love that had motivated me that night, but looking back it had all been fear in one form or another. Fear of the thoughts in my own head, fear of Katie as she shook me, roughly grasping handfuls of my hair in her hands. I had just wanted it to stop, her to stop. That's why I'd reached for anything I could to make it stop. That just happened to be a rock.

I don't really remember leaving her in the woods. I just remember returning to the light of the burnt out embers. I remember the heat of Freddie's skin. The familiar pressure of another person's body against mine.

Of course when I woke up in the morning everything came crashing down. Katie was missing and I couldn't remember where I'd left her. I have never felt a fear like that. It was something that came alive within me, ripping me apart from the inside. I called Tony from the side of the highway because Tony has always been the person I call when all else fails.

They found her and she was alive. No lasting damage, except a scar beneath her hairline and an enmity towards me that I felt sure had stretched across all the miles that separated us. She spent a night in the hospital and then their mother whisked them away and I was left in the rubble of a life I had just barely begun to build.

Naomi was there then. She took me home from the hospital where Freddie had looked at me with such scorn. My own mother was barely functioning at the time but Gina was there, with her homemade bread and organic teas. She fed me and sat with me and never asked me for anything more.

In spite of how I'd fucked with Cook he was there as well, with his familiar smile and terrible jokes. Naomi and I would sit in her room for hours, her reading, turning pages, sometimes looking up to offer me a reassuring smile and mention some fact about New Guinea or Uganda. I could see she had her own pain too. I think we both used that silence to heal from the rollercoaster of love and loss that was that summer.

Naomi must have explained the things I'd never said to Freddie because he showed up at her house one day with flowers and a sheepish smile. We gave it a go, but the only place I wanted to be during that time was in Gina's kitchen or Naomi's bedroom, not in Freddie's bed watching him playing _Call of Duty_ on his Xbox. So Freddie and I quickly fell apart and I was able to find the pieces of myself for the first time, sheltered by Naomi and Cook's silent understanding.

I looked up and people were filing out of the class. Naomi was rubbing her bleary eyes and frowning deeply.

"I told Cook and Emily to meet us at the Moose for lunch. Why did I do that?" She asked out loud, eyes wide with fear.

I shrugged. "Beer will help."

Naomi grinned weakly at that.

I linked my arm into hers as we made our way through the crowded halls and she offered me a grateful smile.

"Ready or not then?" I asked as we paused by the doors.

She grinned and I saw her quite literally swallow her fear. "Ready or not." She agreed.

She squeezed my arm just a little tighter as we walked through the doors.


	5. The Tension Rises

**This one's from Katie's POV. Again I hope I've done it justice. Thanks to anyone whose reading this story! Any feedback or thoughts are much appreciated, but I'm a terrible reviewer so I can't really ask for reviews. It's something I'm working on.**

**P.S. I don't own skins **

I had barely walked out of my HR class when I was picked up from behind and the breath was squeezed from my lungs in a hug that would rival my father's. When the mysterious hugger released me only to spin me around and hug me again I saw that it was the one and only James Cook. Only this version of Cook was wearing a blue button up dress shirt and jeans without a single rip in them, which the Cook from three years ago never would have worn. His hair was a little longer than when I met him last, but his eyes were just as bright and his smile just as large and face-splitting as always.

"Katiekin! Looking great babe! Holy!" He put me down and smiled cheekily.

Emily appeared from behind him with an apologetic grin, "Cook and I are in the same morning class." She explained.

"And the same afternoon classes and the same evening one on Thursday!" Cook explained helpfully.

"Oh God Ems we'll have to find you some pepper spray." I joked with a wink in Cook's direction.

"It don't work on me babe! They all come to the Cookie Monster in the end!" He winked right back.

"Come along now Katiekins, we've got places to be, people to see." Cook set off half-walking, half-hopping down the hallway singing a song that went somewhere along the lines of, "Pints, pints, pints! Pints and Fitches! Pints, pints, pints! Pints and Fitches! Pints and Fitches!"

"Where are we going Cook?"

Cook couldn't hear me over his song so Emily answered for him, "To the pub. It's called the "Moose", apparently." She chuckled.

Cook turned around to face us, still grinning like a maniac. "It's the "Thirsty Moose" ladies and I am one thirsty moose if you get my drift." He leered, gesturing crudely at us and humping the air.

Emily and I giggled in spite of ourselves. Cook was one of the few people who could say or do just about anything and still appear charming. He'd grown up well, I thought, giving him a quick once over. He was taller and more muscular then I had ever seen him and his dress sense had certainly improved. I doubted Naomi had had anything to do with that...

"Wait! Who are we going to see?"

Emily blushed bright red and I groaned.

"You ran into Naomi then?"

"'Course she did Katie! Me and Naoms are like peanut butter and jelly, can't have one without the other!" Cook explained still humming along to his made-up song.

I rolled my eyes. "Some things never change."

Emily rolled her eyes right back and continued walking.

Cook guffawed and turned to Emily asking, "What are your intentions with my Naomikins?" He pretended to look intimidating but couldn't quite manage it through his laughter.

Emily blushed even brighter, but tried to deny it. "Who says I have any intentions with Naomi?"

"Oh please babe! I seen the way you two gave each other the googly eyes earlier!" Exclaimed Cook with a grin the size of Antarctica splitting across his face.

I giggled at that. Emily chose not to respond, walking a little faster to get ahead of us as we neared the pub.

"Who else are we meeting? Just Naomi?" I asked Cook.

He froze. He didn't need to say anything. I could tell by the look on his face that _she _was coming. It felt as if all the blood in my veins went ice cold and then steaming hot within the space of a few minutes.

"Katie, babe, play nice will you? Effster wasn't well when that happened. She's better now. It's a fresh start, okay?" Cook pleaded, the smile wiped clean off his face.

Emotions slammed through me with the force of Mohammed Ali's fist. First, anger. Anger is always first with me. Then searing guilt and pain at the memory of what had really happened. I should never have come. But I couldn't survive without Emily, she's my twin, my other half. I need her. But I knew this would happen. My gut twisted painfully.

I felt Emily place a comforting hand on my arm. She looked at me with her big eyes, so like my own, pleading with me to let this be okay.

I took a deep breath and then nodded.

We sat down and Cook quickly ordered beer and tequila for all of us from the waiter. He shot a quick look at me before saying, "Bottoms up! Let's get one in before they get here!"

The gut-wrenching taste of cheap tequila hit the back of my throat and I felt my face twist in disgust. Emily's hand came down to rest on my forearm under the table.

I took another breath. "You still have shit taste in alcohol then, eh Cook?"

Cook laughed out loud with relief, "Like you said babe, some things never change!"

Emily smiled at that and we settled back into our easy banter, sipping our pints and discussing where and what we had been doing over the past three years.

Emily and I had both started out in business as per our parent's expectations. But she had taken a course on environmentally sustainable business practises last year, which had led her to take another course on environmental management which had "opened her eyes to the horrors of the capitalist system". Emily always was too soft-hearted for her own good. She couldn't stand the idea of being a part of a system that was causing so much damage to the environment and the cute little animals and trees and fluttering birds.

"You're a part of the system whether you like it or not," I'd told her, "You can't change it."

"I have to try." She'd replied quietly, with that steady look in her eyes she wore so often lately.

Emily was coming into her own, figuring out who she was and I was just me, just the same Katie I'd always been. It made me feel lost and I didn't like it.

"Why so serious, Katie?" Came a soft voice that still managed to drift through my dreams, awake and asleep without my permission.

I looked up and there she was, still as beautiful and mysterious as ever. Only she was changed a bit. Her clothes were more grown up, less goth and slutty. Thank god. But she had changed too. Like Emily, there was a steadiness in her gaze that was never there before. She stared hard at me, as if she was trying to see my fucking soul. I couldn't handle the intensity in her piercing blue eyes, so after a moment, I looked away.

"I was just wondering how Naomi has managed two years of university without ever learning to dress herself... It boggles the mind, really." I replied drily.

Relieved chuckles scattered throughout the group at my response.

Effy didn't laugh though, she continued to gaze at me for a long moment before turning away and asking, "Did anyone let Panda, Thomas and JJ know about this little impromptu reunion?"

"Jenkins is on his way but you should slip a text to Pandapops and Congo Man, Effster!" boomed Cook.

Effy nodded in response and turned to her phone.

Naomi looked from me to Emily wryly, "Well this is a lovely surprise, truly unexpected!"

Sarcastic bitch. I could see the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"I just missed you so much Naomi, I couldn't bear the distance." I retorted, smirking.

She shot me an appreciative grin. Besides gaying up Emily, Naomi had always been okay. She was funny as fuck when she wanted to be, even if I wasn't kidding about her not knowing how to dress.

Cook and Naomi launched into some story and I found my gaze drawn like a magnet to Effy. She was watching them with a small smile on her face. What surprised me was that the smile actually seemed somewhat genuine. The Effy I had known had never smiled like that. It made her look even more beautiful than usual, I thought, and then I wondered where that thought had come from.

As if she knew what I had been thinking Effy turned to me with that same even gaze. This time I didn't look away. Her azure eyes burned into mine with questions I couldn't even begin to answer. "Who are you Katie?" They seemed to say, "Why are you here?"

I answered her with questions of my own, "Who do you think you are Effy Stonem? How could you just leave me there to die in the woods? I thought we were friends..."

This time she dropped my gaze, looking down with a frown before she turned back towards the conversation.


	6. The Roads we have to Walk are Winding

**Naomi's POV**

**It has come to my attention that I sometimes shift tenses from chapter to chapter. I hope that's not confusing to anyone. It's like the characters decide what perspective I'm in so I'm just going to go with it and strive for consistent tenses within each chapter at least! **

It's not a dream. I am 98 percent sure this is not a dream because I can hear my heart pounding and the blood is rushing to my face and Emily is laughing. Emily is here, laughing at the stories Cook and I tell. Her eyes are bright and dark and I can barely breathe so I just laugh with her. I feel free. I feel whole. Not in that too full way that I feel so much of the time, where the thoughts and ideas and concerns are all bursting inside of me but there's no one to tell, at least not anyone who won't look a little confused or worse concerned about the words that come pouring out of my mouth.

No right now, I'm not worried about the state of the world, or fretting about where the hops that made this beer come from and whether they were grown sustainably, or even wondering how long I have to stay before it's socially appropriate to leave. Right now I'm completely content to be where I am. I read a piece of graffiti once that said, "Wherever you are be there", and that always stuck in my head. That's the hardest thing to do most of the time, to just be where you are. To really be there and not wish you were somewhere else.

Cook turns away to say something to JJ who has just arrived. I see him clap JJ on the back and shove a drink in his hand but I don't hear the words he is saying because Emily is staring at me, into me, and I am staring right back.

There are so many things I want to say but can't because I don't know how she feels. Is it even possible that she's spent the last three years thinking about me the way I've thought about her? It doesn't seem very likely. I don't even know who she is now. Three years can change a lot about a person. At the same time some part of me feels like I do know her, like I always have, even before I met her.

"Do you remember when we met?" I blurt out and she blushes, grinning up into my eyes.

"Of course. At that stupid motocross race my cousin dragged us to." She replies, lips twitching with amusement.

"One of Cook's summer jobs. He loved watching the races. I got to stand there for ten hours a day getting dust caked into every orifice and calculating the environmental impact of it all." I roll my eyes and Emily laughs.

"You were quite... dusty." She agrees, eyes shining.

"I can't believe Katie even came." I glance over to the other side of the table, where Katie is deep in conversation with Pandora's boyfriend, Thomas. Pandora, herself is chattering away quite happily to a near-silent Effy.

"She certainly wasn't there to watch the races. Cory had a friend that she was trying to impress. Plus it was that or stay home with Mom."

"How is the lovely Jenna?" I smirk.

"Oh you know, the same as always, likely tormenting babies in their cradles as we speak."

I bite my lip at that. Emily's eyes follow the movement, pausing for a moment too long as she gazes at my mouth.

A song comes on and I can't help but smile. "This is me and Cook's song."

Her lips quirk again, "Oasis?"

"Cook has a surprisingly eclectic music taste."

"Really?" She raises one eyebrow and I feel my stomach clench. "He's gone beyond "Ace of Spades" then?"

Cook howls, "That's a fucking sick song Emilio! I haven't heard that in so long!"

Emily quirks the same eyebrow a little higher and nods as if to say "I prove my point."

I pull out my cell phone and check the time, "Nearly time for "Democracy and Dictatorship Eff." I say, wishing I could stay here, but slightly relieved to escape the emotional overload caused by the girl sitting across from me.

Effy raises an eyebrow and a corner of her mouth upwards with perfect timing, "Joy." She murmurs, voice lilting ironically.

Emily frowns down at her own phone, "We have class as well Cook."

Cook pouts dramatically at the, "But we've just been reunited. We can't end the celebration so soon!"

I poke him in the side and chuckle, "The joys of university life, my friend." He replies by sticking out his tongue as I dodge out of the way of his grasping arm.

He bursts into song and the whole pub, thronging with students turns to look at him. "Reunited and it feels so good! Reunited and it's understood!" Cook waggles his hips and thrusts with his pelvis as he sings.

"Jesus Cook!" Snaps Katie, rolling her eyes, "You're such a lame ass!"

"Aww Katiekins, you don't like my singing? I'm wounded!" He clutches his chest and pretends to die quite dramatically. We all shake our heads and chuckle at his antics.

"It has been very lovely to meet you both." Thomas takes the temporary silence following Cook's 'death' as an opportunity to shake Emily and Katie's hands.

"Yeah, it's been whacker to see you alls again!" Agrees Panda enthusiastically.

Cook abruptly bounces up from the floor nodding in agreement, "Why don't you two come by for band practise, tonight? We do a wicked rendition of "Ace of Spades"!" He explains with a wink in the direction of me and Emily.

Katie laughs loudly, "You have a band?"

"Sure we do Katiekins, Me, Naoms, Fredster and JJ. We're the sweetest band in town!"

"I would love to see that!" Sneers Katie.

Cook grins down at her as we head out of the pub, "You're in for a surprise little darling!"

His cackle echoes down the halls.

Inside I'm quaking. Chatting over drinks is one thing, showing Emily Fitch my music is another. Suddenly I feel someone touch my arm. The contact sends shivers up my spine.

"Hey, don't worry. I'll keep Katie from being too much of a bitch." Emily whispers in my ear, her husky voice turns those shivers running up and down my spine into full on tremors.

"Thanks." I manage to mutter, trying to keep the feelings inside me from showing on my face.

We're alone in the hallway, the group having headed off to their respective classes.

"I did miss you, you know." Murmurs Emily.

I glance up from my feet. The sincerity in her gorgeous brown eyes pours into mine. It's terrifying. And beautiful. It's terrifyingly beautiful.

"I...I missed you too, Ems. I'm... I'm glad you're here." I stutter like an idiot.

She squeezes my hand and smiles brightly before taking off down the hall. I just stand there for a long moment, fire racing across my fingers where her hand touched mine.


	7. Collide

**Chapter 5 **

**Emily's POV**

**The song is "Collide" by Howie Day. It's very beautiful. I recommend it. Let me know whether this works if you have time I was kinda nervous to post it :P**

It's ridiculous really how nervous I am to go sit in Gina's garage and listen to Naomi and her boys play. Any trace of the doubt I felt before today is gone. She's so perfect and beautiful and just, Naomi. I feel like I'm drowning in the memories. They're all around me, combined with this new and wonderful version of the girl I spent part of today with.

She asked me if I remembered how we met. As if I could ever forget sixteen year old Naomi in a baseball cap and high vis vest, blue eyes shining through the layers of dust and dirt that coated her. Katie was posturing in front of Cory's friend, who happened to be in a group of boys stood by the side of the track, laughing at Cook's antics. Cook made a particular lewd gesture at one point and Naomi, standing slightly off to the side, as always, rolled her eyes and met mine, one corner of her mouth creeping upwards.

Up until she did that I was playing my usual game of impersonating "Casper the Friendly Ghost" behind Katie. I felt a thrill rush through me at the fact that she'd noticed me. This hardcore girl with the stunning eyes had not only noticed me but shared a secret smile with me. I smiled widely back and her eyes grew wide. I saw her swallow and bite her lip, grimacing a little at the taste of dirt in her mouth. Time seemed to slow down.

Cook attempted to get into Katie's pants after that, to her profound disgust. They exchanged insults for come-ons for a while, to the gathered boys' amusement. Then Cook invited us to a party at his friend, Freddie's house that night. She ended up hooking up with Freddie and dating him for the rest of the summer. I spent the entire night in the garden with Naomi, drinking pinot grigio from the bottle. I had spent most of that time listening intently to the passion in her voice as she spoke knowledgeably about a million different subjects, whilst sneaking glances at her stunning eyes and wondering at how beautiful she looked in an old band shirt and jeans.

I had spent this whole afternoon bantering with her and thinking about how beautiful she looked in a too big blue sweater and black leggings, dying every time she bit her lip in that way I remembered so well. It seems that Cook and Katie are right: some things never change. Thank God for that! I thought, smiling a little to myself.

I stared into the mirror, inspecting my makeup one last time before heading out into the kitchen/living room area.

"How do I look Katie?"

Katie looked up at me from the couch, a faraway look rapidly fading from her face. "You look good, Ems." She forced a smile onto her face, "You look good."

I frowned at the compliment. Katie usually never complimented anyone but herself.

"Katie...?" I started to ask but she cut me off.

"I'm fine." She responded, quickly changing the subject. "Let's go Emily."

"Okay..." I frowned and then shrugged to myself, letting it go. She would talk to me eventually.

Naomi and Cook's house was off of 5th avenue, just a fifteen minute walk from our apartment but Katie insisted on taking the bus. "People get stabbed in this neighbourhood, Emily!"

I shrugged and followed her to the bus stop. It was only September but the cold already stung against my cheeks as night settled in.

"This is ridiculous, Emily! It's fucking summer in Kelowna right now." Complained Katie as I had known she would.

I shrugged, "What would be doing in Kelowna right now?"

"You would be doing emo shit in your room, probably." Katie shot back quickly, "And I... I would be hanging out with Darcy or Ashley -"

I snorted.

"Or Kevin! I might still be with Kevin if I wasn't here."

"Yeah that's a real tragedy. Imagine life without "two-bit" Kevin."

She rolled her eyes at that, "He was nice, Emily."

"He was not." I replied evenly.

"He was sexy as fuck, anyhow. Darcy wanted him, but she's barely got a B-cup, Emily. I mean seriously." She gestured to her low-cut shirt with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes. "That's a great basis for a relationship, Katie."

She sputtered at me as the bus pulled up. I ignored her and climbed on board, flashing my student card to the driver.

Five minutes of the silent treatment later and we had pulled up at the bus stop near Naomi's. We walked up the street towards that familiar yellow house and I smiled to myself as the memories flooded away inside me.

A blonde head poked out of the doorway as we climbed up the driveway, "Emily! Katie!"

Gina pulled us both inside the front hall, enveloping us in warm, motherly hugs. You know the kind where it feels like you could just fall asleep or cry or both because you're just that freaking comfortable? Yeah, those kind of hugs. My mother didn't really hug that way. She was more of a cursory hugger and my Dad had sort of invented bear hugs so it was a nice change just to fall into Gina's comforting embrace.

Naomi rolled her eyes behind her mom, smiling cheekily at me. Effy stood nonchalantly beside her, half-hidden in the shadows created by the light flowing out from the kitchen.

"How are you? You look so good, both of you. Katie! You haven't lost your fashionable taste I see." Gina smiled and Katie's cheeks flushed, a pleased look settling on her face. I thought I heard a snort from Naomi's direction but couldn't be sure.

"Oh and Emily! Naomi is so excited you're back, she hasn't stopped talking about you since she got home!"

"Oh really?" I smirked.

Naomi turned a lovely shade of scarlet and avoided my eyes.

"You're so embarrassing, Mother." She muttered indignantly.

I smiled, "No you're not! You're lovely Gina! We've missed you."

Katie nodded in agreement.

"Yeah Gina pops you're great and all but you're holding up band practise so..." Cook grinned widely at us all, "Follow me ladies! Down here is where the magic happens."

He guided us out into the garage, which had been transformed into the perfect band room, complete with battered couches, amps and assorted band posters lining the walls. A vivid green bong sat in plain view, on top of an old machine bench in the corner. Gina hadn't changed much either it seemed.

Katie looked unimpressed. I smiled brightly at Naomi, "I love it!" I told her.

"'Course you do, darlin'! What about you Katiekins? No? Not impressed yet? Let's see if we can sort that." Cook settled down behind a full drum set with a flourish.

Freddie smiled sheepishly from a corner of the garage, a bass wrapped around his thin shoulders and a joint hanging lazily from his mouth. He pulled it out and waved, ash flicking onto the ground. "Hey Katie, Emily." He nodded at me and nervously returned his gaze to Katie.

She appraised him for a long moment, keeping him on edge for just long enough before floating over to grace him with a quick hug. He was so tall, he had to nearly bend in half just to hug her.

Naomi caught my eye and we shared a silent laugh.

JJ waved to us as well, smiling widely as he sat on a stool, a blue ukulele clasped in his hands.

"Settle in ladies! Suit up Naomikins! It's time for business!" Cook's grin had reached manic proportions by now.

We settled onto a raggedy couch beside Effy. I sat between the two of them but couldn't help but notice that Katie kept casting looks over at Effy every minute or so. For her part, Effy just sat as still as a statue beside me, releasing the smoke from her spliff in perfect rings. The only time she turned around was to offer me a toke which I accepted, gratefully. It helped to calm the nervous buzzing in my stomach.

I forgot to worry about whatever was going on between the two of them as soon as Naomi began to play, though. The melody of the song was based around a smooth, rhythmic strum, backed up by Cook's subtle drum beats and Freddie's lazy bass-playing. JJ shook the maracas instead of playing the ukulele for this one, a cheerful grin plastered on his face.

I forgot about everything in the world as soon as Naomi began to sing. Her voice was high and soft, aching with emotion.

_The dawn is breaking  
A light shining through  
You're barely waking  
And I'm tangled up in you  
Yeah_

I thought of all the times I would wake up from a dream about her, only to find that she wasn't there with me, that she'd never been in my bed, in my arms. I imagined what it would be like to wake up to her breathing beside me, the feel of her skin. Something in me broke in the best possible way at the thought of it.

_I'm open, you're closed  
Where I follow, you'll go  
I worry I won't see your face  
Light up again_

The look in her eyes when she stared into mine, the way her whole face transformed when she smiled, it was my fondest memory, the hope I was too afraid to speak aloud.

__

Even the best fall down sometimes  
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme  
Out of the doubt that fills my mind  
I somehow find  
You and I collide

I could feel Effy's eyes on me but found I didn't care. I couldn't look away from the girl singing in front of me. I couldn't believe she was real, she was here. How could I have spent three years of my life knowing she existed and not being near her every day.

__

I'm quiet you know  
You make a first impression  
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

I should have been afraid. I should have had doubts, but all I could think of was the way she had stood up to Katie before I could. The way she had looked at me when she told me, "You don't have to do what she says, you don't have to be who she wants you to be. You just have to be you, Emily." in that perfectly matter-of fact voice, as if just being me was the easiest, most logical thing in the world.

__

Even the best fall down sometimes  
Even the stars refuse to shine  
Out of the back you fall in time  
I somehow find  
You and I collide

I could feel my hands shaking as she started into the bridge. All the other instruments faded out and the notes she picked rang out clear and loud, her voice rebounding in the small space. She met my eyes, just for a moment and I felt sure my heart would explode with all the emotion that glance held.

__

Don't stop here  
I lost my place  
I'm close behind

Her voice slowed, stretching out each syllable as she started back into the strumming. My heartbeats seemed to follow her lead, slowing slightly, still moving at a furious pace.

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme  
Out of the doubt that fills your mind  
You finally find  
You and I collide_

The song was winding down, the strum still steady, but the tone of it slowing, fading into the central lyrics repeating. My heart slowed with it, throbbing gently against my ribs. I pressed my hand across my chest, taking deep breaths to slow it further.

__

You finally find  
You and I collide  
You finally find  
You and I collide

When they finished the song we all cheered, even Katie, my eyes searching to meet hers again. But she avoided looking at me for some reason. What was she afraid of? They started into "Ace of Spades" next, to Cook's delight, and I took the opportunity to hide within the cacophony created by his performance. Naomi smiled indulgently at him, pushing out the energetic riffs with practised ease.

I felt a silent pressure on me and looked at Effy to see her gazing past me, eyes drilling into Katie. I shivered in a much less pleasant way. I didn't know what was going on between the two of them but I felt like hiding any nearby rocks might not be a bad idea.

A few songs later, Cook called a smoke break. He pulled out his weed box, a pencil case decorated with Bob Marley stickers, and settled down on the couch to roll a generous joint.

I saw Naomi slip out the side door and took the chance, following her out a moment later.

She was leaning against the wall of the garage, eyes shut, exhaling elegantly from a cigarette. My breath caught in my throat. With her face half-hidden by shadows she was the most beautiful silhouette I had ever seen. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

She must have heard me because she opened her beautiful eyes and turned to look straight into mine.

"What did you think, Em?" She croaked, a crooked smile lighting up her face.

"You're incredible!" I told her honestly, plucking the cigarette from her hand and inhaling deeply to calm the waves crashing in my chest.

She blushed at my action, staring blatantly at my lips as they wrapped around the cigarette.

"Why didn't you ever call?" She blurted out.

My eyes widened at her question.

I frowned, "Same reasons you didn't probably." I murmured.

She frowned back, but nodded. "I didn't know how. I was afraid you wouldn't want me to. Everything was so fucked up after...I thought you would just want to forget about this place, about us..."

The question in her voice made my heart ache. My fingers scrabbled for her hand against the concrete wall. She wrapped her own fingers tightly around mine, squeezing slightly as she waited for my reply.

"I could never forget you." I whispered, my voice breaking.

Naomi's eyes widened at my words and she turned around abruptly, shifting so her body was pressed me against the wall of the garage. I barely had time to gasp before her mouth was on mine. Her hands coming up to tangle roughly in my hair. My lips were on fire as her mouth slammed against them, again and again.

"I can't stand it! I can't!" She gasped between kisses.

"It's okay!" I tried to comfort her before her lips cut me off again.

All I could do was kiss her back just as passionately, my hands against her back, stroking in slow calming circles, my lips and tongue gently caressing hers. I opened my mouth to let her in deeper and I could taste the salt of her tears on my tongue. Finally, her movements slowed and she melted into me, her heart still racing ridiculously fast against mine.

I pulled away and met her eyes. Without breaking away from her gaze I grasped her face in my hands, leaning forwards to kiss away the individual tears that fell along her cheeks.

She reached up a hand to grab my wrist as I stroked the stray hairs from her hot wet cheeks. "Stay." She murmured. "Stay with me."

I swallowed, nodding automatically.

Seeing my nod, her face lit up as bright as the sky at sunset, all shades and colors that are so beautiful they almost don't look real. She smiled through her tears and kissed me, so slowly and so sweetly I thought that I might cry. Then she took me by the hand, linked our fingers together and led me inside.


	8. The Waters Clear and Innocent

**Chapter 6 The Water's Clear and Innocent**

**Effy's POV**

**The song is "Codex" my Radiohead. I'm not really a Radiohead fan but it seems like something Effy would listen to. I've always been incredibly impressed by the amazing authors who write Keffy on this site. I only hope I do their dynamic justice in this chapter.**

**I don't own skins. I do own some new books for school though. :)**

I had smirked a little as I watched Naomi escape outside for a smoke immediately after their set, only to have Emily follow her out within minutes. The look in Emily's eyes as she watched Naomi sing was breathtaking. Both of them broadcasted their feelings across their faces as blatantly as advertisers displaying their products on billboards. It was fascinating to watch.

Especially since when I was growing up I had learned to hide all of my emotions behind a blank all-knowing smile. At first I hid them because I feared how people would react if they could see what was inside of me. Then I hid because it became a way to survive my parent's indifference and the casual cruelty of everyone I met. Tony learned to hide too, but in a different way. Maybe everyone hides in their own way, at least the parts of themselves that they don't think other people will be willing to accept.

My gaze fell on Katie chatting enthusiastically to Cook. She hid like Tony. The best defense is a good offense, they say and it's true. If you learn to attack first, there's no need to defend.

What would life be without a way to hide in plain sight? I turned my head to look at JJ, chattering away to a red-eyed Freddie. It's an accepted thing in our society, you learn how to hide one way or another or you can't function, can't fit. I thought of my friends gathered around me. They all have some way of hiding in plain sight. Freddie has his weed, and his easy-going grin, Cook has his loudness, and his laughter, Naomi has her aloof act, and her overly-analytical mind. Poor JJ never learned how to hide though, I thought, examining his painfully open face.

I felt Katie's eyes on me as Cook headed back towards the makeshift stage, explaining some musical detail to the other two. I turned towards her and smiled at the challenge she directed towards me. We had been shooting each other looks all night: questions, expressions of the things we hadn't found the words or opportunity to express. I could see the way the deep anger she felt towards me was dampened by guilt and shame. The struggle behind her eyes was fascinating. She couldn't decide whether to lash out or apologize for what had happened. Until she decided there was nothing I could do but bide my time, waiting to see which emotion won out.

Naomi and Emily's entrance broke through our staring contest. My eyes flashed down towards their joined hands. Katie was just as quick, a smirk forming on her face. I smiled in spite of myself. Some things never change, Katie's willingness to embarrass her sister appeared to be one of them.

But Emily and Naomi weren't paying attention to us, they were too wrapped up in each other. Naomi smiled shyly at the red-headed girl beside her and then looked around at the grins on all of our faces. She cleared her throat, "We're just going to... ahem... yeah, go upstairs now."

Cook wolf-whistled and Freddie laughed quietly. Emily blushed and JJ looked confused. Katie's face contorted in a look that was the very essence of irritated, "You can't just leave me to bus home by myself. I mean this is the most criminal city in Canada!" she protested.

Emily rolled her eyes at that and continued to exchange coy glances with Naomi, both of them oblivious to the amused looks being shared by the rest of us.

"You'll survive." She retorted, not even bothering to meet Katie's enraged eyes.

I slid off the couch, "I'll drive you."

I ignored Katie's enraged look as I slipped out the door. She had no choice but to follow me, stomping her feet and muttering beneath her breath as she went.

"See yahs later Katiekins, Effster!" Cook's booming voice followed us out the garage door, followed by a chorus of weaker goodbyes I assumed to be Freddie and JJ.

I was unlocking my car by the time she caught up to me.

"What a shit car." she muttered, pouting slightly.

I sent her a look and ignored the comment, climbing into the driver's seat and unlocking the passenger door.

Reluctantly, she opened the door and crawled inside, cringing slightly as I turned the key in the ignition and the motor started up with its usual crescendo of uneven sputtering, building up into an unwilling roar. Thom Yorke's beautiful voice slid into an uneven piano march as I shifted into first gear.

_Sleight of hand  
Jump off the end  
Into a clear lake  
No one around_

"What is this a funeral march?" Katie demanded as I paused at a stop sign.

"No. It's _Radiohead_. It's rather fucking beautiful." I replied.

__

Just dragonflies  
Fantasize  
No one gets hurt  
You've done nothing wrong

She listened for a minute or two before snorting loudly, "It sounds rather fucking depressing."

"That's your opinion." I retorted evenly.

"What is your problem?" She demanded. I could almost see the sparks flying from her eyes.

_Slide your hand  
Jump off the end  
The water's clear and innocent  
The water's clear and innocent_

I paused to gather my thoughts. They glistened like silver webs in the air around us, catching on the words that tumbled unspoken between us.

"You never told anyone did you?"

Her face flushed. I could see it out of the corner of my eye. "Told anyone what?" She snapped.

"What really happened that night."

"You hit me in the head with a rock and left me to die, you psycho! That's what happened that night!" She shouted. The heat of her anger flowed off her in waves.

"Take it from me, Katie. When you start to believe your own lies it's a problem."

I pulled up outside of their apartment.

She stared at me for a long, tense moment. I held her gaze evenly in return.

After a moment I looked away, letting the tension drop. I gazed out the window and took a deep breath. Outside a man in a dark hoodie walked by without looking at us. His shoulders slouched forward and metal blared from his headphones.

I looked back at her and I could see on her face that the guilt had gained ground against the anger once again.

"For what it's worth, Katie, I am sorry that I hurt you. If I could take it back I would."

She took a deep, ragged breath. The waves of molten energy exploding from her lost some of their heat, pulsing more slowly out from her body.

"I guess... oh fuck, I'm fucking sorry too, okay! I was a stupid, jealous bitch!" She breathed heavily beside me. Then taking another deeper breath she seemed to compose herself.

"This doesn't make us friends, okay?" She snapped.

A smile ghosted across my lips as I nodded slightly in agreement. She rolled her eyes, but something close to affection flashed in their chocolate depths before she could hide it.

Katie yanked open the door and quickly slammed it shut muffling her shout of, "Thanks for the ride, bitch."

I sat there for a few moments, a smile growing on my face the longer I remained. Katie Fitch is like one of those summer days when hail the size of marbles falls from the sky only to be replaced by bright sunshine moments later, I thought.

Still smiling widely, I rolled down my window, turned up the music and lit a cigarette, exhaling the smoke in smooth grey streams as the cool night air rushed past my face.


	9. The Ghosts that we knew

**Chapter 7 The Ghosts that we knew**

**Katie's POV**

**So here's some Katie and then back to the lovebirds. The song is "Ghosts that we knew" by Mumford and Sons. Again, such a beautiful song :)**

Well that went rather fucking well, I thought. I must be maturing, in spite of what Em says. I threw my purse onto the crappy table in our kitchen/living room and tumbled back onto the couch, laying there as my mind travelled back through the day, pausing to picture Effy's face in the pub, and the way I could feel the pressure of her eyes on me throughout the entire evening in Naomi's garage.

Maybe living here won't be so bad. Cook is hilarious and Freddie and JJ are good, solid guys. I can't believe I ever went out with Freddie though, what a pothead! I smiled to myself at the thought. Panda's still absolutely insane, though she's managed to land herself a really nice, good-looking guy as far as I can tell. I couldn't help but imagine Panda's boundless enthusiasm transferred to the bedroom. I shivered at the images that flashed across my mind at the thought. Thomas has his hands full there.

Ems and Naomi are a bit ridiculous. I can't imagine ever being that soppy. It's kind of sweet though, I'll have to make time to threaten Naomi at some point. I couldn't help but remember the way she looked at Emily, though, like she almost couldn't believe she was real. For some reason, a vision of Effy's blue eyes burning into mine appeared in my mind. I frowned. I needed sleep. It had been a long day.

I was asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. I didn't even dream. Next thing I knew I was waking up to Rihanna's voice:

_shine bright like a diamond_

I groaned loudly, morning was the bane of my existence, I thought, as I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower. After my shower I straightened my hair and carefully constructed an outfit designed to turn the head of even the most studious university boy before applying my best cherry lip gloss, dark gold eye shadow, eyeliner and no-stick mascara. I checked my watch and grabbed a grapefruit from the bowl on the table as I raced to catch the bus.

Only I didn't make it all the way to the bus stop because a familiar shitty, black car was waiting outside. Effy smirked at me from the front seat, looking effortlessly gorgeous with her dark hair curled loosely and falling around her shoulders, black aviators obscuring her eyes as she held up a steaming cup of coffee.

I opened the door with a crunch, my eyes shooting towards the coffee.

"I didn't know they made pencil skirts in leopard print, Katie."

I rolled my eyes and snatched the coffee from her hand greedily. She just continued to smirk.

"How did you know I like it black, two sugar?" I asked after pretty much inhaling the first life-reviving sip. Emily was always the one that put on the coffee pot in the morning so I hadn't had time to grab any.

"Lucky guess." she murmured, that silk-lined voice of hers almost drowned out by the sputtering sound of her car's engine coming back to life.

I cringed at the sound. "I'm only riding in this death trap because you brought coffee and because it's slightly less horrifying than riding the bus. Understood?"

"Of course."

I rolled my eyes, the corners of my lips curling upwards without my consent.

"The muffins are for you as well, from Gina." Effy explained, nodding towards a ziploc bag between the seats.

My eyes lit up. Gina was an amazing cook.

"Wait, when did you see Gina?" I asked.

"This morning."

I rolled my eyes again, "Do you like live at Naomi's place or what?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Seriously? When did that happen?"

"The winter after you left. My mom kind of went off the deep end. Naomi and Cook and Gina kept me sane." Effy explained in her usually wordy way.

I snorted, "You've never been sane, Eff."

She smiled wryly but didn't respond.

"Where's your mom now?"

Effy shrugged, "Last I heard she was in a rehab center down in the lower mainland, but that was months ago, so..." Effy trailed off and for once I was at a loss for words.

"Shit, Effy," I stuttered, "I'm sorry."

She shrugged again, "It doesn't matter."

"It does." I said quietly, but firmly.

We lapsed into silence. Effy turned the volume up on the satellite radio. It wasn't the emo music from last night. Thank God!

I chuckled out loud and Effy sent me another smirk, as if she had read my thoughts. Since it was Effy, she probably had.

A familiar deep voice rang out of her car's stereo and I couldn't help the pleased grin that spread across my face. I felt her eyes on my face as I began to hum along. I love the way their songs build up slowly, the way they pour so much emotion into every line.

_You saw my pain, washed out in the rain  
Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins  
But you saw no fault no cracks in my heart  
And you knelt beside my hope torn apart  
But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view  
And we'll live a long life  
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light  
Cause oh they gave me such a fright  
But I will hold as long as you like  
Just promise me we'll be alright_

I glanced beside me at Effy. She had returned her eyes to the road and looked deep in thought, brow furrowed gracefully. Everything she did somehow managed to be graceful. Not like me. I frowned and pushed the thought away, watching intently as her face relaxed at the singer's next words.

__

So lead me back  
Turn south from that place  
And close my eyes to my recent disgrace  
Cause you know my call  
And we'll share my all  
And our children come, they will hear me roar  
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light  
Cause oh they gave me such a fright  
But I will hold as long as you like  
Just promise me that we'll be alright

Effy's lips opened ever so slightly, mouthing along to the lyrics. I smiled and started to sing out loud, laughing a little at my voice.

_But hold me still bury my heart on the coast  
And hold me still bury my heart next to yours_

Effy turned to stare at me. Then her face broke into a grin and she joined in as well. Her voice was lower than I would have thought, blending beautifully with Marcus Mumford's.

__

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light  
Cause oh they gave me such a fright  
And I will hold on with all of my might  
Just promise me that we'll be alright

We pulled into UNBC's parking lot singing along to the song together. Effy spotted a space close to the library doors and darted into it. The last few lines of the song rang out as she pulled the key from the ignition.

__

But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view  
And we'll live a long life

As I gathered my bags, careful not to forget Gina's muffins, Effy eyed me closely.

"Never pictured you as a _Mumford and Sons_ fan." she said.

I winked at her, "There's plenty of things you don't know about me babe."

She actually laughed out loud at that and we walked towards the library doors in a surprisingly comfortable silence.


	10. Twenty Questions

**Chapter 8 Twenty Questions**

**Naomi's POV **

**Busy with school, and three jobs, and volunteering, but I get so sad when people don't finish stories on here I am determined to keep at this. Plus I'm really enjoying writing it! Thanks to everyone whose reviewed. Writing this has made me become a better reviewer because I never realized how much of a difference feedback makes. Anyhow, hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own skins, or a house, or a car, but I own my guitar :) **

I peered in from the doorway, watching Emily trace her fingers across the single framed photo that sat on top of my bedside table. It was a group picture of us all that summer. In the picture my arm was wrapped around her shoulder and she leaned in towards me, her own arm wrapped around my waist. Cook posed behind us, arms stretching towards the sky, his howl almost palpable through the silent lines of the photo. Freddie had his arm wrapped around Katie and he was kissing her cheek with a goofy grin, as Pandora hugged a surprised looking Effy, JJ grinning widely beside them.

"We were so young." I murmured.

She turned and smiled widely at me, her eyes lighting up.

"A year from now we'll say the same thing about ourselves, now."

I grinned a little wryly at that, "It's funny how that works, eh?"

She nodded.

Our eyes met and I walked towards her. Pulling into her hug, I pressed a kiss into her bright red hair.

"I've missed you so much." I whispered.

She nodded against my neck, snuggling into my arms. We just stayed there like that for a long moment. This felt right. This felt right the way hugging Cook felt right, but different, more...Emily.

She tilted her head up, "Can I borrow some pyjamas?"

I laughed and released her from my arms, fumbling in my dresser until I found an old baggy, shirt and a pair of shorts with the word "Juicy" printed across the bum.

Emily laughed at that, but took them from me, her hand brushing lightly against mine, sending that shiver up my spine. She headed out into the hall towards the bathroom, flashing me a cheeky smile as she went.

As soon as she left the room I collapsed backwards onto the bed, arms sprawled and staring up at the ceiling. I couldn't even begin to comprehend what had happened today, or what was about to happen.

_I am in my room and Emily Fitch is down the hall in my bathroom. I am in my room and Emily Fitch is going to be sleeping in my bed tonight._

Simple sentences repeated themselves inside my head, accompanied by flashes of Emily, her face in shadows beside the garage, the feel of her lips, the look in her eyes when I sang.

I shivered again.

"Whatcha thinking about?" inquired that familiar, husky voice as Emily bounced onto my bed in those "Juicy" shorts. She rested her arms and head on my stomach, peering up at me with that cute smirk on her perfect lips.

"You." I blurted out. Why was I always doing that around her?

She blushed and smiled wider, "What about me?"

"How you're in my bed, here with me, in my bed and I don't quite know how to respond to that." I blurted again, cringing at the words as they fell from my mouth. I felt heat rise up on my cheeks.

Her brown eyes drilled into mine, "It is pretty surreal isn't it?" she said.

I nodded.

"Let's just do what we feel, okay Naoms?"

I nodded again, still not trusting myself to speak.

She crawled up my body, planting her arms on either side of my head. She held my gaze intently for a moment before leaning down and pressing her lips ever so gently against mine. She pulled away and I chased her with my lips, feeling her smile against my mouth.

We kissed lazily, her body pressing into mine. There was none of the urgency from earlier, just the beautiful weight of her on top of me and a growing tingling between my legs.

Things began to grow more heated though, as we continued to kiss, and her thigh slipped between my legs. I gasped and broke away from her lips. She took the opportunity to place kisses up and down my neck, sucking gently on my pulse point.

"Emily..."

"Mmmm...?" She hummed against my neck, eliciting another gasp from me.

"Emily!" She pulled her lips away from my neck to gaze at my face.

I blushed bright red, "Emily I've never..."

Her eyes widened to the size of saucers and she pulled her thigh out from between my legs, balancing awkwardly inches above me.

"Seriously?"

My face flushed even more as I nodded, avoiding her gaze.

Her eyes widened even more, "Sorry! I... it's just you're so gorgeous, Naoms! I never thought..."

I smiled a little at that, glancing upwards to meet the complete honesty shining in her eyes.

"Yeah?" I asked, shyly.

She nodded, her own cheeks lightly flushed. She lowered her torso back on top of me and kissed first one cheek, then the other. "You...are..." She placed a kiss on my forehead, and then my nose, whispering a word in between each kiss, "the...most..." She repeated the pattern, pausing to kiss the side of my neck as well, "beautiful...girl...I...have..._ever_...seen."

She kissed me softly on the lips before pausing to gaze into my eyes, "Not to mention smart and unbelievably kind. We can take things as slow or as fast as you want, Naoms. I've been waiting three years for this I can wait a little longer."

This time my eyes widened as well. As Emily realized what she had said, she buried her head in my shoulder, hiding her face from me. I could feel her blush burning against the sensitive skin of my neck. She murmured something but it was muffled against me.

I hugged her tightly, "Ems, it's okay, Emily. I get it." I whispered against her ear.

She risked a glance up, searching my face closely.

"I didn't mean that the way it sounded." She explained sheepishly.

"It's a compliment, really." I squeezed my hands around her waist, pinching her sides. She squirmed against me.

"Maybe we need to just take it slow, get to know each other, again." I suggested.

Emily nodded, rolling off of me.

"How about we play twenty questions?" I offered.

Her eyes lit up, I guess she still loved games, than. That was one question off my list.

We lay on our sides in my bed, facing each other with matching grins.

"Me first!" exclaimed Emily and I rolled my eyes.

"You have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, okay?"

I nodded solemnly, my eyes laughing.

"Did you really try to light a joint on the engine of a car?" she asked curiously.

"Cook suggested it! I thought he was serious! And we didn't have a lighter..."


	11. Waking Up Gently

**Chapter 9 Waking Up Gently **

**Emily POV**

**Here's a short one for everyone who has been lovely enough to review, favourite, follow or read this. **

**I don't own skins. **

You know that feeling of waking up gently? Not being jolted awake by the sound of an alarm clock blaring, or the horrible, heart-stopping feeling when you wake up after you're supposed to, and have to race through a half-assed six-minute shower before jumping in your car and heading to wherever you need to be, but slipping softly into consciousness, warm and comfortable and in no rush to be anywhere at all. That was what I felt in Naomi's bed that morning.

I woke up to the feeling of a soft hand clenching and unclenching against my shoulder. My eyes flickered open and I realized Naomi had curled into me in her sleep. She was on her side, a strip of sunlight falling across her cheek and through her blonde locks. I watched as she crinkled her nose, and made tiny, ridiculously adorable noises in her dream, her hand still moving against my shoulder. My heart sped up at the feeling of her fingers moving against the skin of my arm, against any part of me really.

I flashbacked to last night. She was so perfect. We had stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, talking, and laughing, and exchanging stories about our lives. I hadn't kissed her again, not because I didn't want to, but because I wanted to show her that I wanted whatever she was ready to give. I couldn't believe that she had never had sex. I gazed over at her sleeping face, the way her lips curved, the way they felt, so soft and so perfect. There was no uncertainty when she kissed me, just this raw passion and determination that made me feel inexperienced, although I was anything but.

Don't get me wrong, I was no Katie. But I had slept with a few different people, and kissed a lot more. Nothing had ever felt as natural and intense as kissing Naomi did, though. Just being with her was so easy. Every movement was laden with a tension so deep, I felt in my very bones, but it was a beautiful sort of tension. It made my blood sing in my veins, and my heart beat faster than a hummingbird's wings.

I can't believe I had told her that I had been waiting three years to sleep with her. Yet, even after that she was so wonderful. I expected her to edge away, to look at me like I was some crazy stalker. Instead she just held me closer, and told me she understood. I was desperate to know how much she did understand. Had she thought of me as much as I had thought of her over the last three years? She didn't expand on her words and I didn't push her. She would tell me when she was ready.

I lay there staring at her for a long time, watching the way the morning light lit up each individual eyelash and listening to the sound of her gentle breathing. When her eyelids finally began to flutter and her face blinked its way into consciousness I felt like I was watching the sun rise by the ocean. The shades in those blue pools reflected so many thoughts, and ideas, and dreams, and I wanted to know and understand them all.

"Morning," she croaked and I almost died of happiness at the sound of her low morning voice.

"Morning," I whispered, leaning towards her and catching her lips in a soft kiss. I pulled back after a moment to examine the way the shades of blue in her eyes had darkened, pupils swelling as she took in every detail of my face.

"That's a nice way to wake up," she murmured, smiling shyly up at me through lowered lids.

She stretched out, yawning lazily as she snuggled into my side. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my ches,t but I figured that at least I would die happy. She reached an arm across my stomach and closed her eyes, her hand tracing slow figure eights along my ribs. Little swirls of delight swam around inside my abdomen. I could feel the individual molecules of skin underneath her fingers jumping for joy.

"You are too perfect." I told her.

Her eyes snapped open, "I'm really not." she objected.

"You are to me." I told her confidently.

Her eyes latched onto mine and I shivered as she pulled herself up towards my face. She leaned down and pressed her lips to mine, thrusting her tongue greedily inside my mouth. I gasped, but the sound was cut off by her mouth against mine, the gentle sensation of her tongue massaging mine. I began to respond, teasing her tongue with mine, and we sparred back and forth.

My hands began to roam across her back, tugging on her shirt without my consent. She pulled away breathless and gasping.

"You make me feel so..." she paused, her eyes burning down into mine, "I can't even find the words to describe it, but it's really fucking wonderful." she told me.

I laughed, "You make me feel really fucking wonderful too, Naomi."

Her face lit up at that and she leaned down to press playful kisses to my neck. I wriggled, laughing underneath her.

"Sorry if you're shagging! Sorry if you're shagging!" Cook's booming voice exploded into the room.

Naomi immediately rolled off of me, and I pouted at the loss of contact.

"Quit talking like you're in a British sitcom, Cook." rebuked Naomi, grinning lazily in a way that made my stomach dip.

"Aww babe, it's classic shit. You gotta watch it with me sometime." Cook's grin was so big it reminded me of my Dad's. I shivered at the thought.

Naomi rolled her eyes as Cook continued, "Just thought I'd let you know that the Cook-mobile is leaving in twenty minutes, and you two had better get your hot lesbian asses in it or else you'll be late for school!" With that statement he stuck his tongue out at Naomi and cackled like a maniac, dodging the pillow Naomi threw by escaping out the door.

"I fucking hate mornings." She pouted. I wanted to kiss the pout off her face but I felt like that might be counterproductive.

Instead I hopped out of bed and raced to the bathroom, shouting, "Shoddy first shower." as I ran down the hall.


	12. On the Rooftop

**Chapter 10 On the Rooftop**

**Effy POV**

**I really love the friendships in Skins and I had a lot of fun writing this. I feel like the Cook - Effy dynamic is really beautiful and relatively unexplored so I hope I did it justice. **

**I don't own skins. **

I sat outside on the roof, staring out at the black sky. The cold felt good against my skin as I inhaled deeply from a cigarette. I had always loved the way the smoke looked as it emerged from my mouth, shifting and curving into pictures in the night.

I heard someone climb up beside me, but didn't turn around, listening carefully to the footsteps to determine who it was.

Cook settled down surprisingly gently beside me, his legs sprawling out along the tiles. I wordlessly handed him a cigarette. We stared out into the darkness together.

Cook and I never really needed words. We had been through so much together, fucking and fucking up, that we just got each other. After a while he turned to me with a sly grin.

"You reckon our Naomi has gotten any yet?" He asked.

I smirked and shook my head at him.

He chuckled, "It's strange isn't it? Them being back."

I nodded slowly.

"Feels like back then a bit, but not at the same time..." he continued, staring off into the distance again. "It's a bit freaky in a way. Brings me back to who I was."

He turned to me again and met my eyes. He always had beautiful eyes, bright and burning with the fire that thrived inside of him. "I don't want to be that person again, Eff."

"You won't be, Cook." I told him, "It's in the past, no matter how close it feels sometimes."

Cook had been even wilder back then. That's what had attracted me to him: that recklessness, that burning. It matched mine. But then there was Freddie, with his big, honest eyes and I had hoped (as all fools do), just for a moment, I had hoped that I could be normal, that I could be loved by a boy like that, that I could love him back.

Love is complicated, but it's simple too. I leaned into Cook and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pressing a kiss into my hair. We sat like that for a while, comforted by each others' presence.

"My Mom called me Eff," his voice cracking, slightly muffled as he buried his face in my hair, "Paddy got pulled into care. I don't know what to do. Fuck, Eff! I don't want him to get tossed around like I did!" I could feel him shaking against me.

I twisted around to meet his eyes, "Cook," I murmured softly.

He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and slowly raised his eyes to meet mine.

I cupped his chin in my hand, gazing into him intently.

"Cook." I said again, "We are not going to let that happen." I told him, "We are going to talk to Naomi and Gina, and sort it out, okay? God knows they both have a thing for strays. They won't even hesitate."

Cook chuckled wetly at that, before enveloping me in a tight hug.

I smiled into his shoulder.

"You're a great friend, you know that babe?" he told me.

I laughed softly as he released me, and we settled back into our former positions, staring out across the lights of the city.

Love is complicated sometimes, but when it's real, it's simple. All you really have to do is be there and that's enough. I smiled to myself, thinking of Katie's laugh, as the sound of a car pulling into the driveway reached my ears.

"That'll be Naomi." commented Cook.

I nodded in agreement. She had borrowed Gina's old Volkswagen van to take Emily for a drive up to cutbanks. That she had borrowed Gina's hippy van said enough in itself. Normally, she wouldn't be caught dead in that thing. I smiled to myself.

"What you laughing at babe?"

I nodded at the sight of Naomi stepping out of the van.

"Yo' Blondie!" shouted Cook, hopping to his feet and waving his arms frantically.

I heard her laugh out loud, "I'll be right up!" She shouted back.

Cook sat back down beside me, his eyes shining with mischief.

"Jesus, Cook. You're just dying for all the gossip aren't you?"

"'Course I am, babe. Our little Naomio is growing up. I'm proud as punch." He replied, grinning that wide, manic grin of his.

I laughed at that, just as the sound of Naomi making her way up onto the roof beside us reached my ears.

She sat on the other side of me and I handed her a cigarette wordlessly.

"Thanks Eff." She groaned gratefully as I offered her my lighter as well, leaning back on her elbows and staring out at the city with us.

"So..." prodded Cook.

"So what?" retorted Naomi with a smirk, her eyes crinkling with laughter.

"How'd it go?" inquired Cook more directly.

"How'd what go?" she asked.

Cook rolled his eyes, "Don't be funny, babe. It doesn't suit you. How'd it go with Emily tonight?"

Naomi rolled her eyes back at him, but smiled sheepishly, "It went well. It's nice to have her back."

Those two sentences, combined with the look in Naomi's eyes, spoke volumes.

Cook turned his head up to the sky, howling raucously at that.

"Atta girl!" he exclaimed, when he'd calmed down again, clapping her repeatedly on the back.

"How do you feel about it all?" I asked gently.

Naomi met my gaze, and for a moment she let me see the turmoil that was roiling around inside her. Then she looked away, staring back out at the horizon as she spoke.

"It's a lot to take." she said slowly, her words emerging carefully from her mouth. "I'm still trying to make sense of it in my head, but I think I'm getting there."

I nodded.

"How are you doing with Katie?"

A slight gasp escaped from me. Her question had caught me off guard, something that very rarely happened. I took a moment to sort through what she had meant in my head before replying.

"I think we've come to an understanding."

Naomi's gaze burned into my face for a moment before she looked away again.

"That's good. She's actually calmed down quite a bit, hasn't she? Katie, I mean." Naomi commented.

Cook nodded in agreement, "Yeah, she's grown up some, eh, Eff?"

"Yeah." I agreed, wondering whether the words were true. I thought back to this morning in the car. I didn't usually reveal that much to anyone, never mind Katie Fitch. I guess a part of me felt like I owed her the truth. There is something compelling about her in those moments when she forgets to hide behind her brashness and false bravado.

"You know," Cook's voice broke through my thoughts, "I love this. Us I mean. I wouldn't trade this for anything, you know?"

Naomi and I both smiled quietly at that.

"Me neither, Cook." she said.

I nodded and brushed my hand over Cook's, grasping hold of his thumb. He squeezed my fingers in his rough, warm palm and smiled softly.

We all sat there, together, just smoking and staring out at the city spread out around us, not needing to say anything at all.


	13. Falling Apart

**Chapter 11 Falling apart **

**Katie POV**

**Here's a short one. Hope you like it!**

**Still don't own skins.**

Emily walked in the door with a goofy grin painted across her face. I immediately muted_ 16 and Pregnant_, turning around on the couch to fix her with a look halfway between amusement and annoyance.

"Yes?" She smirked at me. Cocky bitch.

"Oh do you live here?" I snapped back, "I thought my sister did but she hasn't been back for days."

Emily rolled her eyes at me. "It's barely been a day, Katie. Did you miss me or what?"

I felt the corner of my mouth perk up.

"How was it then?"

She sat down beside me smiling, widely. "It was perfect, Katie. She was perfect."

I laughed, trying to bite back the pang of envy that swirled in my stomach at the sight of pure joy written across her face.

"Good, Campbell better treat you well, or else."

She chuckled at that, meeting my eyes and smiling softly, "Thanks Katie."

We sat and watched TV for a bit, making fun of the teen moms and eating microwave popcorn. The truth was I had missed Emily, a bit. But it was good to see her happy like this. I actually liked Naomi. Despite the terrible dress sense she wasn't a total loser, in fact once you got past her clothes she was really quite pretty. What's more, she was funny, and smart, and her and Ems just kind of fit. They always had, though I'd been too self-absorbed to see it back then. There were a lot of things I'd been too self-absorbed to see back then.

That night as I lay in bed, my mind wandered back to what Effy had told me in the car. It certainly explained a lot. I thought back to the way she was that summer, wild, and reckless. I thought it was cool then, that she didn't give a fuck. All the boys wanted her, and I wanted to be like her.

Without my consent, my mind flashed up images of the way her eyes had looked as I straddled her in the woods, my hands around her neck. I cringed at the words that had flown from my mouth. How could I have done that? How could I have ever thought Freddie was worth that? Knowing what Effy must have been going through at the time made it all so much worse. She wasn't just some slut who was trying to steal my boyfriend, she was a messed up kid without anyone to turn to.

The guilt twisted like a snake inside my stomach and I stumbled out of bed, making my way into Emily's room in the dark.

"Ems? Emsy?" I called.

"Mmmm... Katie? What's going on?"

"I just... I need to tell you something."

"What?" she sat up, looking concerned.

"Come here." she beckoned for me to crawl in beside her and I did, snuggling in underneath her comforter and hiding my face in the pillow.

"Am I a terrible person, Emsy?" I mumbled, the sound muffled against the pillows. Tears soaked into the pillow case, that familiar chlorine-like scent overwhelming my senses as I waited for her answer.

"Katie." she rubbed my back gently, "What happened? Of course you're not a terrible person. You're my sister."

I turned to meet her eyes and I could see the honesty in her gaze.

"I never told you the truth...about that night in the woods." I swallowed, looking up into her eyes.

She didn't speak, just waited for me to continue.

"Effy didn't just, like, attack me, okay. I fucking attacked her. I thought she was stealing Freddie. It sounds so stupid now, but I was jealous! I thought I'm not letting that stupid smug bitch take him. I just wanted to scare her Ems! I never meant... but she was high and she just wanted me to get off her!" I looked down at my hands after my outburst, afraid to meet Emily's eyes.

I felt familiar arms wrap around me. Emily hugged me tightly, pulling away and brushing the tear-soaked hair from my cheeks. She looked straight into my eyes and smiled softly, "Kay, you're my sister and I love you no matter what. We all make mistakes. It's okay. As long as we learn from them."

I broke down then, sobbing into her arms. She just held me until the sobs had died down. She traced my name on my back with her finger, the same way she used to do when we were kids, and it was storming outside. I was always afraid of the thunder. I would lie on my bed shaking, until Emily crawled in beside me. Her being there made it better. Nothing was ever as scary if I didn't have to deal with it all alone.


	14. Answers I can't find

**Chapter 12 Answers I can't find**

**Naomi POV**

**Naomi got a little introspective on me in this one. Pretty scared to post the next chapter, to be honest :S but I should probably just bite the bullet. I really can't thank you enough for reading and reviewing. Reviews just brighten up my all too hectic days :)**

**Don't own skins. If I did I wouldn't feel the need to kill off every other character in the show...**

It feels like everything's upside down. That's the only way to describe this. Nothing looks the way it used to. Nothing feels the way it used to. Before Emily came back, I sat in class, either taking rapid notes or raising my hand to respond to the stupid statements people made. Now I sit in class, and doodle flowers on the corners of my pages, forgetting to even listen to my professors. Before Emily came back, I went home after school and did my homework, or practised with the band, or smoked a spliff with Effy and Cook on the rooftop. Now I do my homework at her apartment, or she does hers at mine. We exchange small touches for a time while we work, giggling at nothing, until a touch goes too far and we are making out on a bed, or her couch, or a countertop. Slow kisses, fast kisses, her hands roaming across my body, igniting those now familiar burning sensations deep in my abdomen.

I don't think I'll ever get used to the way just kissing her makes me feel. I don't think her touch will ever stop sending shivers up and down my spine. I don't think I'll ever get tired of listening to her low voice tell me about her day, or what she learned in class, or how Katie is pissing her off, again.

It's terrifying really. Because right beside that burning need she ignites in me lives an icy fear. That fear is what makes me pull away when things get too heated. That fear is what makes me afraid to go any further. If kissing Emily turns everything upside down, changes all of my habits, changes the things I think about in a day, the pattern that's kept me steady for so long, than what would sex do?

She already has so much of me without even trying. I mean for Christ's sake, she was back for a day, and I was in over my head. If she left after this I don't think I would ever survive it. I don't think I could go back to normal. Normal would just be so empty without her smile, and her laugh, and her lips against mine. God, her lips. They are so soft, and she is such a good kisser. I don't even think it's technique, though she's quite good in that sense; just the right amount of tongue, not choking me, but not boring me either. No, it's more that I can feel the emotion in the way she kisses me. I can feel the questions she's asking me: Do you like this? Do you want me like I want you? Do you know how much I need you?

The problem is, no matter how much she needs me, I know I'll always need her more. It's complicated. I suppose I've always just accepted that people leave. My dad did, every man my mother ever dated did. Cook was the exception, of course. But Cook was Cook. He was my best friend. My brother. Nothing was solid when I was a kid, except for him. Even mom, with her causes and her strays; It always seemed like as much as she was there, she wasn't. She had more important things to worry about it. Now I can see it was just her way of coping after Dad left. She was trying to make the world better for me, the best way she knew how. But when you're a kid you don't consider what your parents are going through, you just know what you feel. And what I felt was that nothing was certain, everyone leaves, and ultimately you have to learn to be there for yourself because that's the only thing you can depend on.

That kind of thing leaves an imprint on you. It creates this understanding in your mind through which you filter the world. That's what I'm dealing with now. Not Emily, herself, who couldn't be more patient, and sweet, and wonderful, but myself, the way I see the world, the way I understand everything around me.

If Emily loves me like I think she does than it would prove that everything I've ever thought to be true is, at least to some extent, false. So in the end I'm faced with two possibilities I'd rather not accept: either Emily loves me, like really fucking loves me, and I have to change the way I think about the world and everything in it, or Emily doesn't love me, and I'm right, but I don't get to be with her, to hold her and hug her and press kisses on her neck in that spot that makes her gasp, every time.

I really think she does love me, though. I can see it in her eyes. I can see everything in her eyes, sometimes: the fear, the hope, the uncertainty, the thoughtless courage that blows me away, and yes, the love. She looks at me like Cook and Mom look at me. She doesn't just look at me, she sees me. She laughs at my faults, and surrounds me with her presence, her unflinching affection. She wraps herself around me like a thick, wool sweater in the middle of winter. But at the same time she makes me feel like I did when I was a kid, racing down steep, snow-covered hills on a crazy carpet, knowing I could fall off anytime, but trusting in gravity and fate to keep me safe.

The thing is I like being right. I like understanding how things work and knowing that they always work in a certain way. I like the certainty of facts and ideas. In a weird way I've always understood JJ's untimely fascination with statistics. It kind of mirrors my fascination with the world and everything in it. But then there are things in the world that don't follow rules. Things that are based on interpretation, and perspective, and the assumptions we make about the world itself. Music is a great example. Yeah, there are theories, and genres, but at its base music rests on the way we interpret the notes, the meaning we find in the world, and the millions of possible ways we choose to express it. That's why music is always growing, always changing. Because there are millions, maybe billions of people in this world consuming and producing music in slightly different ways, with different influences, in different emotional states. That's why we have punk, and hip-hop, and metal: an artist said, "Hey, this isn't entirely expressing what I'm getting at here, if I just twisted it a little like this..." and a new genre was born.

That's the thing about people. As much as we are the same, we're all a little bit different, and we see things a little differently as a result of that difference. When Emily looks at the world she thinks it's this secure place, where people are for the most part good. That's what she's learned. her family might be a bit ridiculous, but they are close-knit and they mean absolutely everything to each other. When I look at the world I see a place full of equal parts cruelty and beauty. People might go out of their way for you, but they also might leave you to die in the middle of the road. That's just life. People are just people, and they're flawed, and imperfect, and sometimes wonderful. We all make choices everyday and all of those choices have impacts beyond what we can easily see or predict. There isn't a plan, not really. Just trillions of little choices, that lead to trillions of little and big effects, that shape everything in the world.

"Heya beautiful!" Emily's gorgeous voice interrupts my stampeding thoughts, and they immediately screech to a halt.

Without conscious thought, my face breaks into a smile that would make Cook proud. I look up to meet her brown eyes, gazing up at me with so much emotion I'm practically drowning in them.

"Hey yourself." I reply, standing up from the couch I'm currently occupying, and pulling her into a warm hug, then turning my head to kiss her softly. She smiles against my lips as I do.

As I pull away she shoots me a quizzical look. "You looked deep in thought when I walked up."

I smile nervously, and she quirks an eyebrow at me.

"Can we go somewhere?" I ask abruptly.

"Where?" She asks, a bit taken aback, but smiling nonetheless.

"Anywhere."


	15. The Surface is Cracking

**Chapter 13 The Surface is Cracking**

**Emily POV**

**The song is by Gabrielle Aplin, taken from Skins Pure, because in spite of their other faults the creators of Skins have always had amazing taste in music.**

**Sorry for the wait. I made my friend read this whole story, and I'm basically only posting it because she told me, "Don't be selfish. Good porn is meant to be shared." So yeah, on that note here goes my first ever smut scene. I'm blushing just thinking about posting this.**

Ever since Naomi and I got together again, a full five hours or so after we ran into each other in that hallway at the university, I'd known that there was something in her that was stopping her from letting go completely. There was some part of her that was still resisting the idea of us, even if on the outside she was as deeply bound to it as I was.

But I trusted her. Naomi was a better person than even she knew. She was good, and kind, and I trusted her to find her way to me completely, eventually.

It wasn't about sex. Though, god knows, I don't think I'd ever wanted someone more. This was deeper than that. It was so deep I couldn't even see the end of it, and that should have scared me, but it didn't. Because whenever I looked into Naomi's clear, blue eyes, I could see that the storm of emotion that was raging inside of me was flattening homes, and shifting entire continents inside of her. She felt things deeply, my Naomi, and I knew without a doubt that she felt me more than anyone else ever had.

Everything's worse when you're alone. Naomi has always felt somehow, alone, even though she's surrounded by people who love her. You can see it in the way she holds herself apart from the crowd, the way she juts out her chin, as if daring you to prove her wrong. It's kind of an irresistible challenge.

Growing up with Katie, I was never really alone, but sometimes I felt like I was, and in some ways that was worse than the physical reality. When my mom went back to my dad after that summer in Prince George, I knew I had to come out. I couldn't keep lying about who I was, not with the image of Naomi, and the feeling of herlips burnt into my mind.

With Katie broken by that night in the woods, and my parent's relationship still so fragile, it was the worst thing I could have done. But I did it. I told them, and as predicted, all hell broke loose. My mom denied it all, and then, when that didn't work, she tried to bully it out of me. I ended up moving out for a bit and staying with my first real girlfriend for a month or so. After that mom came around, sort of. I think Katie was the one that convinced her. If I made any reference to my gayness she would purse her lips and frown, but for the most part she let me be. We were never close after that, but we were able to interact without yelling.

The point is, that period when mom and Katie were denying everything about me was the loneliest time of my life. I had always thought that my family would be there for me through everything. That was what families did. But during that time I realized that "through everything" meant as long as I lived up to their standards. It broke my heart, but I was determined to be me, all of me, not just the parts that other people found acceptable.

I wondered for a while, whether I would ever find people who loved me for me. The image of Naomi would always come to my mind when my thoughts grew that dark. As I lay in a bed beside Katie's, and listened to her soft breathing in the dark, feeling so far away from everyone and everything I had ever trusted, the thought of Naomi's smile kept me from drowning in the loneliness.

She had been my hope. The first person to see me for me, not just Katie's twin, but Emily, the individual who existed within the ghost I had become.

I thought of a lyric I had heard once, "'Cause when you showed me myself, you know, I became someone else, But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need". I felt like Naomi had changed me when we were sixteen, shown me who I already was, who I could be. But things weren't as clear for her, for whatever reason. She wanted me, needed me even, but she was scared. I just hoped she would let me know what she was afraid of so she wouldn't have to be afraid alone.

A gentle guitar riff came on, on Cook's satellite radio. I reached over to turn up the volume as a hauntingly beautiful voice began to sing.

_The surface is cracking  
The lines on my face  
Show the courage that I'm lacking here  
And the beauty that awaits_

I watched Naomi as she drove, the way her forehead creased with worry and her lips turned downwards. I longed to reach over and smooth away the lines. I longed to do anything that would take away the worry and the loneliness I saw painted across her face.

__

Home is just a word  
Without a time or place  
I've fallen in and out of love  
With the loneliness I've traced

Naomi switched gears, pulling off the side of the highway and onto a curving, dark-lit road. Her face changed as quickly as the sky with a storm rolling in. She pulled her lip in between her teeth, chewing on it without noticing.

__

And I can't wait to start again  
No, I can't wait to start again  
When the darkness and unknown become a friend  
No, I cant wait to start again

The song felt too perfect for words. I hoped that whatever she had to say was a new start, not an end. Even the thought of losing her caused an excruciating pressure to settle in my chest. I couldn't bear to imagine it.

_The voice of a thousand whispers  
With answers I cant find  
I made promises to the wounded love  
And the corner of my mind  
And the night before has left you  
And the smoke has filled your lungs  
When you don't know what you've come here for or the person you've become_

Naomi pulled over onto the side of the road, leaving her hazards on to warn incoming vehicles on the narrow lane. The music stopped abruptly and we were left with the heavy silence inside of the cab.

"Come with me?" she asked, holding out her hand across the seat.

I nodded, squeezing her hand gently before releasing it and exiting out the passenger door. She came around to my side and reached for my hand again, lacing her fingers through mine.

We didn't speak, but I stared straight into her eyes as I pulled our hands up to my mouth and placed a kiss across our joined knuckles.

She stared back with so much emotion swimming inside her gaze that it almost broke me. I refused to look away, though. I had to show her that whatever this was, I was here, I wanted to be here, with her, for as long as she would have me.

Finally she looked away, squeezing my hand and pulling me gently through a break in the fence. We followed a short trail to the cliff's edge. It hung out high above the river, the sheer cliff face crumbling in places, roots and entire trees growing out from it in others. The city stretched out in a blanket of lines, ending in the dark silhouettes of distant mountains.

We sat down on the grass, leaning into each other.

For a long time we were silent, until finally she spoke, "You have to let me say this or I won't be able to get it out, okay?"

I nodded and squeezed her hand.

She stared at our joined hands with wide eyes, seeming to draw courage from them as the words emerged from her throat.

"I always thought that if I could understand people, if I could sort them into categories and decide in a logical way how to deal with them that I could stop myself from getting hurt. I think logic and facts were just easier than feeling things after my Dad left. So that was what I did. I tried to understand the world. I spent my whole childhood reading. While other kids played sports or barbies I sat in my room and read anything and everything. The thing about books is you always know it's not real. As much as you relate to stories, you can put them down, you can let them go."

"But this," she raised our joined hands slightly, "Us. I can't let this go. I go to sleep and wake up thinking about you. The other night I dreamed you were serving me peas in a hospital gown for fucks sakes! I can't even escape you in my dreams, Emily, and frankly, it's terrifying. I don't know how to breathe. I don't know how to understand anything because you've changed everything, Emily, just by being, just by existing."

Tears were seeping out of my eyes as I listened to her speak. I could see them tracing down her face as well. I tried desperately to swallow the knot that had gathered in my throat.

"Naoms," I murmured roughly, cupping her face in my hands and staring deep into her eyes. I saw her swallow, eyes shining with unshed tears.

"Naoms, why do you think I came up here?" I asked her.

"Because they have a good environmental program."

I rolled my eyes, smiling gently, "That helped. But the real reason was always you. You're in me, Naoms. Even before I met you I could feel you somehow, and after the summer we spent together you were always in here." I pulled her hand up and placed it against my chest, letting her feel the erratic beat of my heart crashing inside of it.

"For a long time it scared me, too. I didn't understand why I couldn't get you out of my head. I didn't understand why I compared everyone I ever dated to you and they somehow came up lacking. But then I decided to switch programs, and I realized I wanted to know if it was all just in my head, or if you really were as wonderful as I remembered. When we met up again, you just blew me away, because you were even _more_ amazing than I remembered. Then I just figured, why question it? If I feel this good around you, if I've spent three years missing you I'm not going to spend the next three worrying about what this is, or isn't, or why it is, or isn't. All I know is that I love you. All I know is that you are absolutely fucking everything to me, Naoms."

My voice broke, and Naomi's lips crashed against mine. Her tongue thrust inside my mouth and I gasped before responding just as passionately. She pushed me back onto the cool grass, her cold hands reaching up underneath my shirt, nails scraping against my back.

I responded by yanking her shirt upwards, hands already working at her bra. She gasped as I managed to work it off of her, lifting her arms briefly to allow me to pull her shirt up over her head.

I took a moment to appreciate the sight of her pale, gorgeous breasts, before pressing frenzied kisses across her chest in ever-narrowing circles. I massaged her right breast with my hand as my mouth latched onto her left nipple, tracing it with my tongue as it stood to attention.

"Fuck Emily!" she gasped, "Please...fuck...please... I need you."

Her nipple slipped from my mouth with a pop and I paused to stare deep into her eyes, "Are you sure?" I asked seriously.

"Yes! Fuck! Please!" Her breathing was wonderfully ragged as she stared deep into my eyes. I don't think I'd ever been as turned on in my life.

I nodded at the sincerity in her eyes, tracing my path back around her breasts, stopping to lavish attention on her right nipple this time. I placed soft, wet kisses down her stomach, feeling her tremble underneath my lips.

I popped the button on her jeans. "Lift your hips." I ordered softly.

She jerked her hips into the air, allowing me to pull her pants down. I placed a gentle hand against her inner thigh, spreading her legs apart. I placed gentle kisses along her thigh, ending with soft kiss to her clit that caused her to buck her hips up wildly into the air.

She was incredibly wet, and I marvelled at it as my tongue began a gentle exploration of her folds. I licked up and down and around before settling in to stimulate her clit in a variety of fast and slow patterns, sucking and licking until she was panting above me, her hands coiled tight in my hair.

"Emily! Please!"

I chuckled lightly, the vibrations sending spasms across her body as I slipped a single finger inside of her, thrusting deeply as I added another finger. She was so tight I could feel her stretching as I moved rapidly in and out of her. The cold grass was soaking into my clothes and my arm was burning but I didn't care. All that mattered in that moment was showing her just how much she made me feel.

"Oh fuck!" I could feel her spasms growing stronger as I thrust with all my strength inside her. She clenched around my fingers shouting my name, and swearing as her whole body shook. I continued to move inside her, tracing fast circles around her clit as the aftershocks rode throughout her entire body.

I pulled out of her almost lazily, pausing to meet her wide-open eyes as I placed both fingers in my mouth, enjoying the taste of her on my tongue. Then I crawled up her body, placing haphazard kisses across her torso until I finally crouched above her. I leaned down and met her lips in a beautiful open mouthed kiss.

She was still a little dazed as I wrapped my arms around her, warding off the cold as I placed soft kisses on her shoulder.

Finally she seemed to regain her voice, "Emily?" came her beautiful, uncertain voice.

I nuzzled against her shoulder in reply.

"I love you too."

I smiled against her skin, as I whispered, "I know."


	16. Clean Slate

**Chapter 14 Clean Slate**

**Effy POV**

**So time kind of does a switch-back here. The problem with multiple perspectives seems to be that the characters have their own idea of where they want to be when. So this is back before Naomi's epiphany, around the time of Katie's breakdown. Hope that helps. Next chapter should catch it up so they are all on the same timeline, at least that's the plan. We'll see where they take me.**

**I have been reading so much theory. I blame their discussion on that :P**

"Hey bitch! Wait up!" A familiar voice followed me down the hallway.

I paused, listening carefully to the clinking sound of heels behind me.

Katie Fitch appeared beside me, face flushed, looking a little flustered, as she held out a coffee from Degreesfor me to take.

"Well. Take it then. It's a latte, none of that Tim Hortons shit." she snapped at me, ever charming.

I smirked, plucking it from her hand and taking a hesitant sip. I raised an amused eyebrow at her as the wonderfully bitter taste of espresso and foam met my tongue.

"I knew you couldn't take cream or sugar and be as skinny as you are." she explained.

I chuckled, "Thanks Katie."

"What class do you have?" she asked, as we continued walking down the hall, towards the library.

"Anthropological Perspectives on Inequality." I replied.

"What is that?"

I chuckled again, "Anthropology is the study of people. So basically it's looking at how inequality is embedded in class systems through culture, gender, race, power and a million other factors, and how that inequality affects people."

"Sounds like organizational behaviour, only in Business, it's more about looking at how things like that make it easier to sell to people."

"It's all related to economics and world commerce. Everything comes back to economics, at least that's what Karl Marx thought."

"Wasn't he a communist?"

"It depends what you mean by a communist. He was the first person to propose the idea of Communism, but he never suggested it be applied the way it was. He believed Communism was a part of the natural evolution of humanity, that eventually we would see the problems inherent in Capitalism, and evolve into a form of economics where people would share what they had according to need and ability."

"Whoa. Do you think he was right?"

"Only time will tell. But there is validity to his theory just as there is to every theory. It's all just possibilities, Katie. What happens isn't predetermined, it's determined by our choices, and our actions. The world will be whatever we make it."

I stopped outside of the door of my classroom. Katie looked at me for a long moment.

"I don't think about that kind of stuff. I mean... people don't usually talk to me about it. Even Emily kind of assumes I'll just laugh at her." she looked incredibly vulnerable as she spoke, biting her lip, and frowning as if she wasn't entirely certain she should be saying what she was.

"It's okay not to know everything." I told her, gently.

She smiled, a little weakly at that, "What would you know about that? Miss I-know-everything?"

I looked her straight in the eye and for a moment I let my walls flicker, allowing her to see what was inside of me. Her eyes widened, lips parting slightly.

"There's a lot I don't know, Katie." I murmured, turning to go inside the classroom.

"Wait!" Katie's voice made me pause."Do you want to like hang out... go for ice cream or something?"

I smiled, turning around, "Ice cream?" I asked slyly.

Her jaw jutted out in a challenge, "Yeah, ice cream."

"Sure." I told her, still smiling. "I'll be done at three fifty."

"Okay," Katie smiled widely, and it reached her eyes. "Meet you in the Winter Garden." She told me, turning to walk away.

I nodded, "Hey Katie!" I called.

She turned to face me again, a look of confusion briefly lighting across her face.

I tipped my coffee cup at her with an ironic smile, "Thanks for the coffee."

She smirked, rolling her eyes as she walked away. "Don't be late, bitch."

I smiled to myself as I settled into my seat at the back of the class. Some things never change. Katie Fitch always seemed to get the last word in, somehow.

I spent the next eighty minutes ignoring the looks of longing from a bespectacled boy with greasy black hair in the row below me, slipping out of the class as soon as the professor finished her lecture to avoid him.

I had an unfamiliar feeling in my stomach as I neared the winter garden. It felt like those little tiny firecrackers Tony and Sid used to toss at the ground on New Year's Eve were going off inside of my abdomen. Katie was sat laughing at something a couple of guys in suits were saying, as she appeared in my line of sight, outside of the Tim Hortons.

As soon as I walked up, she excused herself with a flirty wave, and a, "See you boys later."

"Who were they?" I asked, feigning disinterest as the firecrackers popped rapidly, like kernels of popcorn inside my stomach.

"Losers. Seriously, they're in accounting." she explained with an exaggerated eye roll.

I chuckled, "Because people in marketing are infinitely better."

"Obviously. Tim's going to let me borrow his assignment, though. So I suppose even accounting majors have their purpose."

I smirked at her reply.

"So what kind of ice cream are you craving?" I inquired as we headed out to my car.

"Hard ice cream, obviously."

"Obviously."

We headed to the shop at the bottom of College Heights. It was shaped like a massive cow, and only opened in the summer time. It would be closing soon, but for now it was still serving the best selection of ice cream in town. Since it was a cool, gray day it was basically deserted, meaning we could sit, and chat in peace.

We bought waffle cones and sat down on the picnic tables, watching the cars speed around the corner and out onto the highway.

"Chocolate mint is so the best ice cream flavour." Katie told me.

I smirked, "There are plenty of great flavours, why confine yourself to one?"

"It's dependable." she explained, "I can always count on it to taste amazing." She nodded to my cone, "Orange sherbet is a risk. It could be good. It could be bad. You don't know."

I laughed at that.

"It's easy to get stuck in what's dependable. Maybe you would prefer orange sherbet to chocolate mint, but if you don't ever try you could spend your whole life thinking chocolate mint is your absolute favorite and never knowing that an even better ice cream is in the very next pail."

Katie smiled, her face lighting up, as a mischievous glint appeared in her large, dark eyes.

"Let's switch, then." she challenged.

I shrugged, offering her my cone. She took a hesitant lick of my ice cream before her face lit up.

"It's good!" she exclaimed, "Like really good!"

I nodded, knowingly, flashing her my I-know-everything smile.

Katie suddenly looked sheepish as she handed me back my ice cream.

I raised an eyebrow, and she blushed a little as she explained. "I was just thinking that I'm glad Emily wanted to come back here. I thought it would be horrible. But it's been surprisingly... good. It's been good to like... sort things with you, as well."

She paused, taking a deep breath to steel herself before charging onwards. "What I mean is I'm sorry for being a bitch before. You didn't deserve that and like, I was hoping we could start over or something. Clean slate." Katie was slightly breathless as she finished speaking, looking at me with dark, pleading eyes.

I inspected her closely for a moment, searching her face for anything but sincerity. Fuck me, she really had grown, I thought.

After a tense moment, I responded to the question in her words with a small smile.

"I'd like that." I told her.

The smile that lit up her face then set those little fireworks to cracking inside me again. I couldn't help but smile just as widely back.


	17. Looking up from underneath

**Chapter 15 Looking up from Underneath**

**Katie POV**

**So here is the next chapter. I have been struggling a bit with where to take Emily and Naomi from here and I think I've finally got it. Thanks to everyone who takes the time to review. It literally keeps me writing this.**

**I don't own skins. Right now I'm learning to own my values so that's cool.**

**The song is by Florence and the Machine who is absolutely brilliant as you probably know. **

As crazy as life had been at first, full of reunions, and Emily and Naomi living practically in each other's pockets, and making googly eyes at each other whenever they were an inch apart, it eventually settled down into a routine.

I would wake up, put on the coffee pot, while getting ready, and then fill two travel mugs, one with sugar, and one black. Then I would grab my bags and head outside. Sometimes I bumped into Naomi and Emily in the bathroom or the kitchen, but most of the time their classes were later than mine so I would head outside alone.

Effy was always waiting out front in her car with some kind of wonderful, vegan baked-good, courtesy of Gina. She would smirk slightly when she saw me, her lip curling in the way that made my stomach twitch. I would make a smart ass comment about her car, or the music she was playing, or if I was feeling creative that day, something about her choice of clothes, which were still a little too black for my taste. Fucking goth.

She would respond by rolling her gorgeous blue eyes. No one else could pull off those clothes, and that ridiculous eye liner like Effy did. She was stupidly beautiful. It should have made me jealous. It used to when we were sixteen. I fucking hated her, then. Or at least I thought I did. Now I'm starting to think I just hated how she looked at me. She used to fix me with that stare that said, "I know everything about you and I don't even care." It was so fucking infuriating.

Now when I feel her eyes on me, I'm never entirely sure what I see in them. Sometimes I find myself staring right back, getting lost in their endless blue depths, as I try to figure out what she's really thinking. It's basically impossible. She is unknowable. That's what makes you want to know her.

People are like that. We always, always want what we can't have. We want it so bad we'll do anything to get it.

"You're deep in thought." In my head I could almost hear her voice murmuring, "That's unlike you." with an ironic lilt to it.

"Great deduction, Sherlock." I retorted.

Effy smiled softly at me. The smile said, "That's more like you."

I'd never met anyone who actually seemed to like the way I spoke. Emily was always telling me to be a little nicer to people. "You catch more flies with honey..." she would mutter, out of the corner of her mouth. Clichéd bitch. I rolled my eyes at the thought of her concerned frown. Effy never told me to be nice. She just seemed to understand what I was really saying underneath the sharp words that spilled from my mouth all too often. In the same way, I understood now, that her secretive smiles weren't just a way of playing mysterious to get the boys. They were a way of hiding in plain sight.

Effy was full of love. So much love she was afraid it would consume her. I saw the way she looked at Cook and Naomi when they weren't aware of it, like she could barely stand how much she cared. If she caught me watching her she would immediately cover up the fear with her patented, bored look. But she knew I knew. And I knew she knew what I held inside me too.

It was a strange conclusion to come to, that Effy and I weren't all that different after all. Maybe nobody's all that different in the end. We're only human.

"You're my best friend, Eff'." I blurted out suddenly.

She pierced me with her gaze for a moment, the intensity of it sending a shiver up my spine.

Then her face broke out into a smile, a real smile. When Effy smiled you could see all that love she kept hidden just shining through. She was gorgeous.

_Looking up from underneath  
Fractured moonlight on the sea  
Reflections still look the same to me  
As before I went under_

I grinned, "I love this song."

__

And it's peaceful in the deep  
Cathedral where you cannot breathe  
No need to pray, no need to speak  
Now I am under all

"Really?" asked Effy curiously, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah. I love her voice and the lyrics are just wow."

__

And it's breaking over me  
A thousand miles down to the sea bed  
Found the place to rest my head  
Never let me go  
Never let me go  
Never let me go  
Never let me go

"You never fail to surprise me, Katie." Effy said quietly.

I looked over at her face, half-hidden in shadows.

__

And the arms of the ocean are carrying me  
And all this devotion was rushing out of me  
In the crushes of heaven for a sinner like me  
But the arms of the ocean delivered me

"Is that a good thing?" I asked.

She smirked, concentrating on the dark highway for a second. She pulled off of it and turned down a dark, dirt road.

__

Though the pressure's hard to take  
It's the only way I can escape  
It seems a heavy choice to make  
And now I am under all

"Definitely."

"You're not going to axe murder me are you?" I asked, peering out at the dark trees that surrounded us, as Florence and the Machine's voice and instrumentals soared around us.

_And it's breaking over me  
A thousand miles down to the sea bed  
Found the place to rest my head  
Never let me go  
Never let me go  
Never let me go  
Never let me go_

"That was the plan." Effy replied evenly.

I rolled my eyes, "I haven't been laid in so long I'd practically be dying a virgin."

Effy snorted at that, the laughter reflected in her eyes shining in the light cast by her head lights.

"Almost there, Virgin Mary."

"Eugh! Can you imagine having a baby in a barn? That's just not sanitary."

__

And the arms of the ocean are carrying me  
And all this devotion was rushing out of me  
In the crushes of heaven for a sinner like me  
But the arms of the ocean delivered me

And it's over  
And I'm going under  
But I'm not giving up  
I'm just giving in

We faded into silence, both lost in the music. No one had ever been as easy to be around as Effy. Sometimes we joked around, other times we said nothing at all, but it never felt uncomfortable. She really was the best friend I had ever had. I wasn't even sure that any of the friendships I'd had before qualified as friendships anymore. There was Emily, of course, but she was my sister. She had to love me. We were kind of genetically obligated to put up with each other. But Effy and I had no reason to be friends. In fact, we had a lot of reasons not to want to be around each other at all. But in spite of all that history, and bitterness, and just plain, common sense, I found that more, and more I wanted to be around her, just to be, in the way that I only could when I was with her.

__

I'm slipping underneath  
So cold and so sweet

Effy pulled off onto a short laneway, stopping as we pulled up beside a lake. The black water sparkled like Effy's eyes when she laughed, reflecting a million stars.

This far outside of town, the sky was crowded with stars, bright ones, and paler ones, all bunched together in varying patterns.

_And the arms of the ocean so sweet and so cold  
And all this devotion I never knew at all  
In the crushes of heaven for a sinner released  
And the arms of the ocean delivered me  
Never let me go  
Never let me go  
Never let me go  
Never let me go  
Deliver me_

Effy twisted the key, pulling it out of the ignition. We leaned back in our seats, and stared out the windshield. Effy lit a joint, inhaling deeply. I watched the way the tiny bones in her neck stood out as she held the smoke in her chest. She let it escape from her lips in a thick, white plume, before passing the joint to me.

I breathed in deeply, coughing a little, because my lungs weren't completely fucked yet, unlike hers. She smirked at me, wordlessly passing me a bottle of water.

"It's comforting," she said, as my breathing returned to normal, "how small the stars make me feel."

"How is feeling small comforting?" I asked, confused.

"It just makes me remember all the possibilities that exist in the world. I mean there are that many planets, that many stars, that many solar systems. Yet, here we are, in this moment, this exact instant."

I stared at her, mouth slightly agape from a combination of wonder and weed.

"I've never thought about it that way." I stuttered.

Effy just smiled, exhaling slowly. "That's okay." she told me with one of those soft smiles she seemed to reserve just for me.


	18. Wait ten minutes

**Chapter 16 Wait ten minutes and the weather will change**

**Naomi POV**

**This chapter is kind of driving me crazy so I'm just going to post it. I really appreciate everyone who takes the time to review or follow or read. It means a lot. :D**

**Oh and I don't own skins. **

I woke up to the feel of Emily all around me. It was by far my favorite way of waking up, as that special Emily smell filled my lungs, and I snuggled even closer into her warm softness without thinking.

She groaned throatily, as I moved closer into her body, burying my face in her neck, and pressing lazy kisses along her collarbone. After a minute or two, she started to make those cute, grumbling noises she makes when she first wakes up, and the butterflies in my stomach, started racing around inside me again.

"Mmmm..." she moaned, and they raced even faster.

"Morning beautiful." I murmured, lips pressing against her neck in that spot she loved.

She hummed again, stretching out her arms lazily, and then wrapping them tightly around my back, trapping me against her body. I struggled half-heartedly against her, not-so-secretly enjoying the way she held me just a little too tight.

I twisted to an odd angle and poked her in the side, taking advantage of her momentary weakness to pin her arms above her head. I peppered her face with kisses, as she squirmed beneath me. We rolled around on the bed for a bit, chasing each other with our mouths and our hands, teasing and kissing. Finally, she managed to roll us both over and pin me to the bed, capturing my lips with her own. She greedily entered my mouth, massaging her tongue against mine, as her warm hands made their way up towards my bare breasts. As her fingers traced their way up my ribs, her nails dragged slightly along them, leaving burning trails in their wake.

"Naomikins! Emilio!" boomed an all-too-familiar voice, as Cook came bounding through the door, a wide grin plastered on his stupidly lovable face.

"Sorry to interrupt the pussy time but I have fucking awesome news man!" he shouted.

"Jesus Cook!" I objected, spluttering and turning bright red as Emily rolled off of me with a sigh and a heated glance that sent a surge of heat between my legs.

"What's going on Cook?" asked Emily, evenly. Too evenly. Fuck she recovered well, unlike me. I was still trying to slow my breathing back down as she lay just centimetres away from me, the air practically trembling with heat between us.

With an almighty effort, I shifted my attention over to glare at my best friend, flicking through all the ways that I could kill him, or at the very least maim him.

"Aww blondie don't pout! The papers came through! Paddy is coming to live with us!" he exclaimed.

At those words, and the look of pure joy that shone from Cook's face, all thoughts of killing and maiming disappeared from my head. I smiled widely.

"That's amazing, Cook." Emily told him, smiling just as sincerely back, beautiful brown eyes shining.

I loved her. The thought came without my consent, as a familiar, overwhelming warmth settled inside my chest. I loved the way her eyes shone when she smiled, and the way she cared about the important people in my life as much as I did.

I was never going to let her go. I knew that now. Emily was like music. Life without music was still life, but there were so many parts of myself I wouldn't be able to express, so many things I wouldn't be able to say without the feel of my fingers dancing across a set of strings. Loving Emily was like playing music when I was full of emotion. There was no choice, no calculated pattern, my heart led the way and my fingers just followed.

"Now get up and have some breakfast. Gina's making pancakes to celebrate!" Cook explained, smiling as widely as a little boy opening presents on his birthday as he danced back out the door.

Emily's lips quivered as the door shut behind him, her dark eyes met mine, sparkling with humor and resignation.

I pouted back at her, shooting her my best puppy dog eyes.

She smirked, pecking me quickly on the lips, before hopping out of bed.

"Not even for those eyes will I miss out on Gina's pancakes." she told me, winking cheekily as she pulled on a pair of my shorts, and headed out the door. Lying in my bed alone for a moment, I couldn't help the wide grin that broke out on my face. Life was rather fucking beautiful.

Gina's pancakes were, as always, delicious. My mother might be a ridiculous hippy, with the attention span of a humming bird, but she makes the best pancakes in the world.

We helped with the dishes, and then spent the morning with Cook, playing Xbox, and listening to him babble excitedly about all the things he was going to do when Paddy got here. At some point Katie and Effy appeared, from wherever Katie and Effy disappear to, and we went for a walk, smoking weed down by the river out of Cook's lime-green pipe. Subtle, just like him.

I thought about how it should have been weird seeing Effy and Katie as friends, but it was actually kind of sweet in an odd way. Surprisingly, they were a good match. Katie seemed to pull Effy out of that shell of hers in a way no one else did. While Effy seemed to calm Katie's rages with just a single look from her cool blue eyes. We finished the bowl, and Cook dumped it out. Then we headed back up the river bank towards home.

We climbed up the bank, slipping and falling in the wet dirt. When we reached the top Emily grabbed my hand with a smile. We swung our hands between us like kids as we walked down the street. The autumn air was crisp and nostalgic, in the way that only fall can be. It felt like a promise somehow, like yes winter was coming, but right then all of nature was working together to make the world beautiful, at least for a moment.

I couldn't have been happier, listening quietly to my friends chatter as we rambled along, Emily's warm fingers laced through mine as the slight buzz from the marijuana made everything seem beautiful, and just a little bit funny.

Then out of nowhere, a douche bag in a pumped-up truck slowed, rolling down his window and shouting, "Dyke!" at us before revving his engine and speeding away.

I had to let go of Emily's hand then in order to grab onto Cook, and stop him from chasing after the guy.

"Fucking prick!" he spat angrily as I caught him by the arm, his cheeks as red as the leaves falling from the trees, his eyes shining wildly.

"He's not worth it." I told him quietly, my hand squeezing lightly on his bicep, guiding him gently back to where the others were standing, watching us, Emily and Katie with concerned looks on their faces, and Effy as usual unreadable.

"It's fucking stupid! It shouldn't fucking matter who you bang, we're all just people." he snapped at me, but I could feel the tension slowly easing out of his body from the spot where my hand rested on his arm.

"Profound, Cook." retorted Katie, a distinct touch of sarcasm lilting her words. I shot her a look.

But Cook just guffawed, "You're even starting to sound like Eff', Katiekins!." He moved out of my grasp, pulling Katie in for a tight hug, and then releasing her to walk ahead of us on the sidewalk, still laughing to himself. I rolled my eyes. Cook had always been like that. Emotions seemed to roll through him like weather. Joy one minute, and anger the next. "Wait ten minutes and the weather will change," as the old saying goes. The problem was with weather like that, it was impossible to know what to wear, or how to prepare. I had gotten pretty good at just dealing with his mood swings over the years, though.

Katie's brows furrowed, as she tried to understand what was so funny, and Emily just rolled her eyes, half-amused, half-confused about what had just happened. Effy simply smiled gently, as her gaze followed Cook down the street ahead of us.

I turned to Emily, meeting her eyes with my own, and she stared fiercely back, grabbing onto my hand, and linking her fingers through mine. Before Emily, I would have burned at the injustice of the whole situation, or been too embarrassed to hold her hand again. Now I just smiled softly into her eyes. We didn't have to say anything, we just understood on a level that was almost innate.

I could feel the conviction in every inch of her body, and I could feel the unflinching love she felt as she squeezed my hand with her own.

I smiled wider at the thought, squeezing right back.


	19. The Sky Rests Below my Feet

**Chapter 17 The Sky Rests Below My Feet**

**Emily POV**

**So I just reread this and it's pretty much just smut. But the good news is I read it without blushing! Things should get more interesting next chapter in terms of actual plot development. Hope you enjoy!**

**I don't own skins.**

**And as always thank you so much for taking the time to read and/or review.**

I entered the house without knocking. "Everyone always just walks in." Naomi had told me with a shrug the last time I knocked. Then she'd added, "Plus you practically live here anyways..." and I had felt my insides melt like chocolate fondue.

Everyday I thought that I couldn't possibly be more in love with this girl, and every day I seemed to fall a little bit deeper. I could hear her soft voice coming from down the hall and I followed it, entranced.

_the sky rests below my feet_

_clouds floating in between_

_I worry that I'm dreaming_

_Oh, I worry you're a dream_

I paused in the doorway just to drink her in. She was turned away from me, blonde hair thrown up in a lazy pony tail, wearing a blue _Arthritis Walk _shirt, and strumming gently on her guitar. I loved the way she held instruments, as if they were something precious and wonderful.

_I worry you'll forget_

_All the things I've never been_

_I'm afraid of what's above me_

_Terrified of what's below_

The emotion in her words took my breath away. I knew she was afraid, and I knew she was still fighting it every day, but now we talked about it at least. I hoped that was enough.

_Hold me tight now_

_Cuz' I'm falling_

_Hold me tight now_

_Don't let go_

My heart was pounding in my throat as the urgency in her voice increased. Yet, my eyes were still drawn to the smooth curve of her neck, the way she was bent over her guitar, hunched and intent on the movement of her fingers.

_I worry that you'll see me_

_I worry that you won't_

_The stars are facing up now_

_The moon shines far below_

I wanted to interrupt her, to tell her that there was nothing I wanted more in life than to see everything she was willing to show me. But I held off, practically trembling as I listened to the next lyrics.

_Everything is upside down_

_Everything is different now_

_Than what it's always been_

_You are everything now_

_You are everything to me_

My heart was pounding my ears. I could barely breathe with how much love was racing through my veins.

_Hold me tight now_

_Cuz' I'm falling_

_Hold me tight now_

_Don't let go_

I cleared my throat softly, trying to regain some sense of composure. "Hey."

She turned around, her face flushing automatically as she met my eyes. "You weren't supposed to hear that." she turned even redder, "I mean not yet, you weren't supposed to hear it yet because it's not finished...I mean...oh fuck.." her eyes fell.

"It was perfect." I whispered, my voice rough with emotion.

She looked up then, blue eyes wide and vulnerable. I surged forward, I couldn't help it. My body seemed to pull me towards her without my consent. Two steps and I was kneeling in front of her, cupping her face as our lips met.

There was a desperation to the way she kissed me then. Her lips crashed against mine, tongue thrusting into my mouth without hesitation.

The need came off her in waves, and if I wasn't already wet from watching her sing I would have been then.

She stood up, taking me with her as I wrapped my legs around her waist. Moving against her as we fell onto the bed.

"Wait!" she scrambled upwards, closing the door with a sheepish look before climbing back on top of me. Her blonde locks hung like a curtain above my face as we stared deeply into each other's eyes. I had never seen anything as beautiful as Naomi's eyes. They reminded me of the ocean, full of so many stories that they could never be told.

She leaned down towards me excruciatingly slowly, maintaining eye contact as she did. I moved upwards, desperate to feel her lips against mine, but she pulled away slightly, smirking.

Oh no, not the smirk. That smirk would be the death of me I swear. Her pupils expanded at the look on my face, and she leant down to brush her lips against mine, in the most tantalizingly brief kiss of my life. I groaned as she pulled away, but she only continued to smirk.

"I want to try something." she explained, her former vulnerability replaced with a devilish grin.

I felt myself flush with excitement, a veritable river flowing from the spot where her thigh pressed between my legs. As if she read my mind, Naomi shifted her thigh against me. I gasped.

"Lift up your arms." I did as she told me, seriously turned on by her show of dominance. Together we managed to pull off my top.

I pouted up at her as soon as it was off, "I need to feel you too!"

She smiled, hurriedly removing her top as well. Then she leaned in to kiss me, her breasts pressing against mine as her tongue dove languidly into my mouth. I moaned again. As we kissed, she reached behind me to unbuckle my bra. I returned the favour, shifting my hands along her sides towards her breasts, but she stopped me, that same mischievous glint sparkling in her eyes.

She pressed a final kiss to my lips before moving down my body with her lips, and tongue. She pressed open mouth kisses around each of my nipples, as one hand drew lazy circles along my inner thighs.

My mouth was open in a permanent 'O' as I lay there, feeling the wonderful sensations she was creating on my skin. She blew warm air across one nipple before pulling it into her mouth. She repeated the pattern as she made her way down my body, nipping gently around my belly button, before making her way down further, blowing gently against my inner thighs, before following with her lips and tongue.

I bucked my hips as she drew closer, and when she finally exhaled above my clit I actually shook. It was too much, she was too much. Then she attacked me, with her lips and tongue. I came embarrassingly quick, aftershocks reverberating through my body as the world went blank. As my whole body shook with the aftershocks she only continued her onslaught, flicking against my clit with her tongue, and thrusting inside me with all her strength. The world exploded again, and all I could do was lay there, breathing heavily.

When I finally regained my vision and voice she was lying across me, chin resting on the apex where my stomach met my ribs, gorgeous eyes staring innocently up at me.

"What was that?" I croaked, my voice cracking.

"Music." she replied, calmly, a sweet smile playing on her lips.

"What?" I gasped, confused but still too high to be frustrated at her single-word answer.

"I was making you into a song." she told me, "That was the climax."

A peal of laughter burst from my throat, "Wow, you're an amazing musician, Naoms." I told her.

She chuckled, tracing her fingers lazily between my breasts.

"You're an amazing teacher." she told me, sliding up my body to press a soft kiss against my lips.


	20. Keep Crawling into my Head

**Chapter 18 Keep Crawling into my Head without Knockin'**

**Effy POV**

**I don't own skins or the lyrics in this chapter.**

Cook sped down the curving highway that led to the airport in Gina's hippy van. The wind slapped harshly against my cheeks as I smoked out the window.

"Jesus Cook! Are you trying to kill us?" snapped Katie indignantly from the back seat.

"Places to be, people to see, babe!" replied Cook, not letting up on the gas one bit, a shit eating grin glued to his face.

I exhaled a thick, white plume of smoke, watching it disappear hastily out the window, lost in the wind flying past.

"You're not going to see your brother if we all die on the way, Cook!"

Cook just laughed, slowing slightly as we rounded the last stretch leading to the airport.

We parked and paid. Racing through the doors, only to realize we were early and the plane was delayed. Cook paced excitedly around the arrival area, unable to sit still. Katie whipped an issue of _Cosmo_ from somewhere in her massive purse. I just sat and watched everyone around me.

Airports are the most fascinating places. People are always experiencing something integral in them: reunions, and goodbyes, moments choked with emotion. I gazed intently, trying to read the stories written across the lines of their faces, their callused hands, and nervous anticipation. It's always the places in between where we learn the most about ourselves, about the world. It's those moments when there's no certainty to cling to, only hope, and dreams, and fears that threaten to eat us alive or teach us how to survive.

"Why do you always stare like that?" Katie's familiar lisp broke through my thoughts. She was staring intently at me, her dark, brown eyes curious.

I took a moment to gaze back at her, taking in the way her hand still clutched her magazine, the way her lips were slightly parted, and shining with lip gloss.

"It's amazing what you can see if you take the time to look, Katie."

"It's a bit creepy, though."

I smirked as I responded, "That's a matter of perspective."

She rolled her eyes in an exaggerated way, "No it's not. It's a matter of fucking like social courtesy, Effy!"

"That doesn't mean it's not a matter of perspective. Social courtesy in our culture would seem very unusual in other cultures."

She rolled her eyes again, "Can't you ever just answer a question, straight?"

I snorted at her choice of wording.

"Depends what you mean by straight." I pointed out.

"For fuck's sakes!" Katie made a show of ignoring me as she returned to her magazine. She most likely only had a chance to read one or two ways to keep your man interested before Cook had dragged us to the window.

The plane had landed and we waited for the long line of passengers to exit the plane. I observed the excited reunions with a half-interested eye, feeling Katie's eyes on my skin the entire time. Cook was practically glued to the window, when finally a small boy emerged, led out by a flight attendant. As soon as he made it through the doors he threw himself into Cook's arms, shouting, "Cook!"

Cook's grin lit up the whole room as he scooped, up the boy, wrapping him up in a massive bear-hug. When he finally released him, I swore I caught a tear glistening in his eyes, but I didn't say anything.

"Paddy! These are my buddies, Effster and Katiekins."

The little boy gazed up at us, a familiar, mischievous grin growing on his face. He looked a lot like Cook, blonde hair, blue eyes, and a light dusting of freckles across his nose.

Katie's eyes lit up. "Hi Paddy." she said, reaching out a hand. He took it shaking it vigorously.

"Grip like a lion, eh Paddy?" chuckled Cook when Katie released her.

I smiled at Paddy, "I hear you're my new housemate."

He smiled widely, "Yeah it's wicked. Can we stay up and eat ice cream until 2 in the morning, Cook?"

Cook smiled back, "Yeah I reckon Gina would be okay with that..."

Katie rolled her eyes, "Not on school nights, little man. I'm sure you can on weekends."

Paddy continued to smile and chatter away to Cook as we waited for his suitcase. It was pretty adorable how much they obviously loved each other.

"...and then we can play 'Super Mario Brothers' too, right Cook?"

"Sure thing Paddy."

Katie and I exchanged a look that was half-amusement, half-love.

"I love kids, except my brothers. He's a perverted little worm." Katie confessed.

"My brother's amazing."

"Oh, yeah, Tony! He's gorgeous! What's he doing?" Katie asked, with a look that very much resembled Cook's on her face.

"Not here, I'm afraid." She pretended to look crushed as I continued, "He's in Ottawa, studying law."

"He'll make a great lawyer. He's such a smooth talker." She examined me closely for a minute before concluding, "Must have skipped a generation."

I shoved her playfully as we loaded into the back seat so Paddy could sit up front with Cook. Katie complained about her classes as I smoked out the window.

When we arrived back at Gina's she pulled Paddy into one of her ridiculously warm, mom-hugs. As she fussed over the two of them, Katie and I escaped to my room. I put on a vinyl and Katie criticised the music.

"Oh, not folk enough for you, Katiekins?"

She blushed a little, but continued rifling through my record collection.

"Wonder what the little shag monkeys are up to?" she commented casually.

"It's pretty self-explanatory isn't it?"

Katie blushed, "Eugh! That's my sister."

I snorted, "Your sister, the shag monkey."

Katie placed a vinyl on the record player, and came to lie down beside me on my bed, her head at my feet.

"Nice choice." I told her, as the guitar riff overlaid with flowing cello hit my ears.

We just lay there in a comfortable silence, listening to Fionn Regan's calm voice float up all around us. You wouldn't think Katie would be as comfortable with silence as she is. But I've learned a lot about Katie in the last few months, and most of what I've learned is that Katie is nothing like I thought she was. Which is strange because I can see through most people in an instant. But when it comes to Katie I feel like I'm just beginning to get glimpses of who she really is.

_Keep climbing into my head without knockin'  
And you fix yourself there like a map pin  
On this ghost of this street where I'm livin'  
I'm in a chrysalis and I'm snowed in_

The bits of her I get to see take my breath away. They shake away all my assumptions about the world. It's interesting. Most people show their best side first, and eventually their worst side comes out and everything before feels like a lie. Katie is the opposite. All her brashness is just a cover for a profoundly sensitive, breathtakingly beautiful, incredibly compassionate person. She loves fiercely. She hates fiercely. For her everything is concrete, black and white, while I sometimes find myself drowning in shades of gray. She is my opposite, and I find it deeply refreshing to be around her. She challenges me, shakes me out of myself.

__

Darling, darling that dam's gonna give  
It's inevitable the way that you live  
Bottles in brown paper and a mouth that slurs  
All the shit that it stirs  
Let that dogwood blossom

"This song's a bit like you, Eff'." Katie's voice came as a surprise, and I paused to listen to the lyrics.

__

There'll be hell to pay in heaven  
For you take every street home

"How so?"

__

What happens when you're in too deep to break  
Loneliness keeps you constantly awake  
What happens when the passage of time appears  
You see yourself as a child and it brings you to tears

"Just, like, the feel of it... and the words." I could feel her struggling for the words and I stayed silent, letting her think, as the final lyrics washed over us.

__

You say that you're troubled and you always have been  
Uncomfortable in your own skin  
So you contemplate the riverbed  
Turn off the dark thoughts in your head

"It's just beautiful in this really complex way where you think you get it, but then he throws out another layer, another perspective, and you realize you don't get it at all. It's the way he seems to be talking about everything, the past, and the future, and right now, all wrapped up in one moment, one song."

_Darling, darling that dam's gonna give  
It's inevitable the way that you live  
Bottles in brown paper and a mouth that slurs  
All the shit that it stirs  
Let that dogwood blossom_

I'm silent a lot. But I'm very rarely speechless. However, at that moment, I was speechless. What do you say when someone says something like that? I wasn't used to being seen. Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone thinks they want me. But they don't ever _see_ me. Yet, this girl in the ridiculously high heels, with the _Cosmo _magazines, and the fruit-flavoured lip gloss, she _sees_ me. My stomach swooped relentlessly, my skin tingling in a way that was completely unfamiliar to me.

_There'll be hell to pay in heaven  
For you take every street home_

"Eff'?" Katie sat up, leaning over me, her wide brown eyes staring down at me. "I didn't mean to offend you." she murmured, the worry evident in her tone.

To my absolute horror, a tear fell from my eye.

Katie saw it, as she was only inches from my face, and she immediately blanched at the sight, "Jesus Effy! I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to make you upset."

I still couldn't find the words, so I reacted the way I have so often in the past. I reached up and wrapped my hands around Katie's face, pulling her towards me until her lips were mere centimetres from mine. Her eyes met mine as I searched them carefully, before leaning ever so slightly upwards, and pressing my lips against hers.

If my actions had been at all premeditated I would have expected Katie to pull away, or freak out, or possibly even to hit me with a rock. What I wouldn't have expected is for her eyes to widen, and then to flutter shut, as she leaned down into my lips, deepening the kiss.

I let my eyes close as well, just allowing myself to get lost in the way her lips moved. I've kissed a lot of people in my life, but I forgot about all of them the minute Katie kissed me back. Her lips moved in sync with mine, before her tongue sought entry into my mouth. I let her in, and she explored my mouth greedily, but at the same time more delicately than anyone else ever had. The need she inspired in me was tempered by the careful, almost tentative movement of her kisses. She teased me gently, our tongues sparring. Her body pressed against mine, and I couldn't help but let out a moan at the feel of her breasts against mine.

The moan seemed to make her aware of what we were doing, and she pulled away slightly, gasping for breath as she pulled herself up, falling so she lay on the bed beside me, eyes wide and staring straight up at the ceiling.

"I guess you're not pissed at me, then." she murmured, her lisp deliciously exaggerated.

"No, Katie." I murmured in reply, smiling slightly, "I'm not angry."


	21. Flight

**Chapter 19 Flight**

**Katie POV**

**So I've concluded that stories get scarier as you go along. They just seem to become this whole separate thing and you feel like you have to be true to them, and then everything just feels complicated and a lot harder than it was at the start. But anyhow, that's my rant. Thanks for reading and/or reviewing. It means a lot :)**

What are you supposed to say when you're lying on a bed, beside your best friend, who you've just kissed. Not pecked on the lips, but full-on made out with. I couldn't even think. My heart was racing. The same two thoughts circling around and around in my head: "I'm not gay." and "So then why did I like that so much?"

"Hey." Effy's throaty voice broke through my repetitive thought pattern. She rested a hand gently on my arm. "It's okay. Whatever you're thinking or feeling, it's okay."

I took a deep breath, trying to ignore the way her hand on my arm left the skin beneath it tingling, almost painfully. The way her throaty voice set fireworks off in my stomach.

"I don't know what to think! Jesus, Eff'! Where did that come from?" I snapped, shrugging away from her hand.

I felt her tense beside me. But I needed to know. Why had she kissed me? Was it a joke? Or did she actually, like, feel something for me?

"I just wanted to kiss you." she murmured. No hint of emotion in her voice as she stared hard at her hands.

I exhaled angrily at her lack of response. That told me sweet fuck all. "Why Effy? Why would you want to kiss me?" I demanded.

She sat up, turning her body so she could look into my eyes as she spoke. Jesus, had her eyes always been that blue?

"Because you're beautiful, Katie." I felt a shiver run through me at the honesty reverberating in her eyes and in her voice.

Suddenly, I couldn't stand it. It was all too much. I'm generally more of a fight than flight kind of girl, but I didn't want to fight her. So I leapt up from the bed, muttering angrily, "I can't do this Effy. I'm not playing your fucking games. This isn't who I am!" I snapped.

I raced from her room, too afraid to look back. As soon as her bedroom door shut behind me, the guilt hit me like a sledge hammer in the gut. Thankfully, I made it out of the house without anyone seeing me, tears already blurring my vision as I raced out the front door.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What had I done? Fuck, Effy. I had promised myself I wouldn't hurt her again. I wanted to turn around. I wanted to go back and face it. But I just couldn't. In that moment I wasn't strong enough. Me, Katie Fitch, who wasn't afraid of anything or anyone, was too afraid to turn around and face my best friend.

Because in that moment I was frantic, terrified. Full on terrified, heart racing in my head, stomach dropping like I was jumping out of a plane again, and again.

I ran in my heels until I reached the bus stop. My phone rang again and again. Effy's ringtone. I turned it off, breathing heavily, my face streaked with tears. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. The same word echoed over and over in my head, pounding to the incessant rhythm of my heart.

"Katie?" a familiar voice called out as Gina's hippy van pulled up beside me. Naomi stuck her head out of the window, eyes wide and concerned.

"Do you want a ride somewhere?" she asked carefully.

I nodded slowly, rubbing my eyes with my hands. I knew it wouldn't do any good, my cheeks were burning, throat and nose clogged with the chlorine taste of tears. Half-hiding behind my hand, I climbed into the passenger seat.

"I just dropped Emily off at your place," she paused, "Shall I drop you there as well?"

I shrugged noncommittally, but my nonchalance was interrupted by a sob that shook through my whole body. It all came over me like a flood then, my nose ran, and my whole body trembled violently, seeming to curl in on itself. I dimly felt the car come to a stop on the side of the road, and then, unfamiliar arms wrapped around me.

Naomi smelled like Emily, and cigarettes, and vanilla perfume. Immediately I thought of Effy, and the way she smelt of lavender and cigarettes. The thought made me sob even harder. Naomi just continued to hold me, she didn't say a word.

I liked Naomi for that. She didn't always have the need to speak, unlike Emily. I could picture Effy and her sat on top of their roof, not saying a word for ages. Fuck! Why did it always come back to her? I didn't want to think about her right now, I just wanted to run away from all of it. But here I was imagining her in some fucking ridiculously skimpy dress, smoking silently on a rooftop, perfectly fucking silhouetted against the moon.

Finally the tremors that had taken ahold of me, seemed to settle down, and Naomi released me from her arms.

"Thanks." I muttered, unable to meet her eyes. I just stared at the lines drawn on my palms, wishing all of it would just go away.

"I love your sister." She said.

I looked up in surprise, to see Naomi looking very solemnly out of the front window.

"I think I always have, honestly. Some things are just inevitable, you know? But I fought it for a long time. The inside of my head was a bloody war-zone, still is to be honest, but I've let the peacekeepers in, you know?"

I stared blankly at her.

She glanced over and rolled her eyes at the expression on my face, "The point is Katie, our whole lives we tell ourselves stories about what we are, and who we are, and what it is that we want, but sometimes we just have to let the stories write themselves."

"It's all so terrifying, Naomi." my mouth responded without my consent, "Like I always thought that I knew who I was, and that was easy, that was fine. But now everything's just so fucking complicated. It's so fucked up, and I just want things to be the way they were. I just want to go back to knowing what to do, and how to be." I blurted.

"That was never who you were though." she replied gently.

"What? Of course it was!" I snapped.

"Maybe it was a part of you," she conceded, "but it wasn't all of you, Katie. Life just keeps on revealing bits and pieces of who we are to us until the day we die. You can accept them and incorporate them into who you will become or you can fight them. It's a choice. It's just a choice."

"Fuck, you sound like her." I groaned.

"She knows a lot. I mean don't ever let her know I said that, because she would be even more insufferable if she knew, but she does." Naomi replied with a sly grin.

I chuckled drily at that, "Can you take me home now?"

"Sure thing Katiekins." she retorted, grinning crookedly, as she pulled back onto the road.


End file.
